The other day my son saw shadows in the kitchen

I was in bed and my daughter will NOT sleep in her bedroom so I bought her a cot so she can get off of the floor in my room and out of the bed. I can't handle being cramped up in my bed so she sleeps more comfortably in it. Anyway my son comes running in my room and says "mom can I sleep in here I need to" I asked what was wrong and he would not tell me.... I asked him and he finally got it out, he saw dark shadows in the kitchen even with the lights on. His bedroom is in the dining room and it was showing itself to him ( he has the gift too). I can't really see them unless they decide to show themselves to me. I saw spirits when I was a child but now I can only sense them and these are not nice ones.

I got angry of course because they are messing with my kids and I told them to mess with me not my kids. It makes me angry when a spirit or demon or whatever this is, is jacking with my children frightening them. My being has always atracted the supernatural and I could be anywhere and this junk could happen but I can't help it if it is hateful. I am not going to. It changes the radio stations, made the light flicker on that night when I went in to read the Bible and pray....it is being a jerk. I am tired of it. I can't seem to get help from the church or the psychic I know either. I am flying solo on this one ME AND GOD. I keep getting verses in Psalms that says God is going to kick it's butt. I am glad too because I can't take it.  That or my neighbor I am NOT doing anything to provoke her and she just shouted out "I don't give a f*CK about her" really loud just so I could hear it and I know she was talking about the fact that I was on the front porch.

I was not even listening to her conversation, nevermind the fact that you could hear her all the way across the street to my front porch. ? so who cares right. God will deal with them too. I don't have to harbour ill feelings toward anyone I am his child and phoey on anyone that tries to mess with me they have to deal with God this battle is HIS. ahem. that is all I have to say 'bout that.

Jesus is cool I have always thought that. I have changed doing my home schooling to afternoon and night so that I can do my house work during the day and my son is doing better too. He is in a better mood and things are getting done. The last two days have been better. I even read to him and slept a good bit. I feel better. Go figure, My house doesn't need a house keeper anymore it has me and a Kirby vacuum and boy I can't brag on that thing enough. I have vacuumed about 7 times and the bag is 75% full and it must be nassy in there ! ugh imagine living with all that filth in your carpet embedded in the bottom of the under layer and making mud with a carpet cleaner on top YUCK ! Staining it that way. I am so grossed out I would love to see what I sucked up I just might open it up and look Years of filth. It was probably never cleaned the whole time it was born so to speak.... and when I do clean it (the guy said fill a whole bag first and then use the carpet cleaner ...) so then I am going to clean my living room and bedroom and son's room.

I was reading in a book by Sonia Choquette. It says to organize the clutter and get rid of things to clear your psychic energy and that way you can get your intuition straight and I can touch a person and 'see' things about them. Or say for instance I can hear you talk about your husband and I can see how he treats you or what he looks like and what color eyes he has and maybe what color t-shirts he wears I have visions and dreams it is weird. When I have dreams they come true sometimes and then sometimes I pray for them not to come true.  I have had a dream that our soldiers get attacked and taken hostage in afghanistan I pray to God that NEVER happens. Those crazy terrorists over there need to be gotten rid of in the worst way permantly like we did when we took care of well I won't say it but we are threatened we need to act on it and not pussy foot around . We just killed their leader and now they are going to be out for blood . They sell heroin to American's to fund their projeccts and corrupt our society and call us criminals. Christians they see as bad people and yet they are extremists. Killing for the dumbest reasons, won't even let the women have equal rights. Make them cover up like they should be ashamed, it is too much for me to talk about.

I just saw it in my dream and wrote the dream down. I never saw them kill anyone. I just saw them capture our men. It was scary. If I contacted the government they would think me a loon. Or put me under a petri dish . Yep that is what I said. well going for now. bye have a good day.

Jesus said that , I changed my post

I am more than Bi-polar.  I am a human being that lives and breathes life and gives more to others of myself than I bear to give and it hurts me sometimes. I think of others more than myself. I mess up a lot too like when Susan was here btw I apologized to her *(over the phone). I can only try to do what is right. I have been cleaning since 3am this morning and feel beat.

I need to go and lay down and take a nap.

I think I know what happened when she came

This is more for cleansing my soul I guess than for anything else after all no one is reading this really. I am smiling as I am writing this.  Susan looked at my house and decided that I wasn't keeping it up to her standards which I have heard before from others, she afterall was not the first person that has said this to me. Anne my neighbor had said it before too. Cynthia had told me awhile back she understood how hard it is to keep your house when you are "on medicine" and that made me feel better. You see I never feel all that great or motivated nor does my leg feel 100% so I suffer indellibly to hurt and limp around the house forgetful from my topomax. It sucks. I can't remember where I put things or what I am doing and if it weren't for my ADD meds I would get nothing done.

I dunno she had NO grace for me and to be such a "BIG" christian and I put christian in lower case because she didn't show me that what she was. I just got angry and retaliated and got reactive with her turning into my seven year old self when I feel threatened and finally had to tell her lets just drop it. No one was winning.  She said ok. She finally saw my point I just told her I had things to do. I have to pay her for the groceries she bought next paycheck I think because I am running out of money and still have to go to the doctor and see my shrink and stuff I dunno ? It is going to be hard. I get paid again on  the first, and now I have to take my dogs to the vet they are coughing so I am not sure if they caught something from her dogs or not.

The guinea pig is doing well did I mention we let my daughter get one. She still won't sleep in her room. But I got her a cot and she sleeps on that in my room. I don't know what else to do. I am going to finish cleaning in my room today and make up the bed with fresh sheets and revacuum the living room and make steaks tonight and potatoes it should be yummy. I am also going to make asparagus. It was funny when I went grocery shopping the ladies behind me were complaing about me using coupons and how I was taking a long time *(I had to run out to the car and get my card) "I could have made breakfast by now and ate it " one of them said. The other said "I never clip them" if they don't respect their money that their husbands make it isn't my problem or that they make well what can I do ? I saved $57 on grocery savings and that is great plus fuel perks. I got a pack of bacon for free too. Who can do better than that ? I am sure many of you can .. I am still learning but I am a work in progress. I read in James in the Bible yesterday. I have got to tame my tongue because salty and spring water do NOT flow out of the same brook. ugh.... Tell me God does not try to speak to me a lot. Billy the salesman was telling me to read in James and it was a good lesson I am not done yet. He is a good young man. I would have a son his age if  I wouldn't have had a miscarriage in college. I think about it a lot sometimes. It hurts but what can you do. I was only 18. No one to help me, except God knew what was best for me.

I was reading in James today (Sunday)

Well it is Father's Day and I have had a bath and feel much better. My friend is gone and still was having words with her yesterday. It was terrible, especially after reading in James this morning about how we can "tame the tongue" and it is "like a fire" and "salt and spring water don't flow out of the same stream"... nope they don't. Taming the tongue is a hard thing to do and it is NOT my specialty. I am so mean, I put up flamingo's to pee my neighbor off and found a quarter stuck in my door (glass) the other night so that when I went out to smoke it fell in my foyer. It really creeped me out ! I am not sure how it got there either.

Billy came over this morning and I didn't have a thing to wear to church all my clothes all need to be folded or hung up or something but all I had was jeans that were two sizes too big. It was terrible. I can't even give them away because Susan isn't living where she can take clothes all her stuff was in her car and it was packed to the hilt. It really hurt my feelings "tattoooes are for harley riders" "I can't live like this" things like that were said by her. You know the minute she left I started cleaning ? I just was so incredibly stressed I could not function. I just so could not function. And my husband bought me a Kirby vacuum so it works great ! You can actually tell you vacuumed when you use it. I have NEVER had a vacuum to where it looks like you used it before and it cleaned. Usually the stuff comes back from underneath the carpet fibers and dirties the carpet back up again but this one wow ! I am not trying to sell it but I just can't imagine using ANYTHING else. It is amazing and my house doesn't smell like dog either it gets that out too. I am amazed !!!! YAY for the house it is going to be clean :) I am so excited.

Billy is coming back over after church, she was crying because they made her a corsage (spelling ?) in memory of her father and she was so touched.  I told her I was going to give her some of the PINK FLAMINGO'S from my yard ( I bought them to tick off my neighbor and it worked ) they pulled up ALL their flags (which I hated). I feel kinda bad now cuz nobody's happy.

I put bells on the door too the ones with locks that have just glass doors or the one from the basement that has a problem with the lock. That way if the dogs hear it they will start barking and go ape caca. I have 2 bats (steel) next to my bed. Afterall he did threaten to bash my skull in and I must protect my family and she did threaten to shoot me. ? Craziness. There was a quarter in my door I am not sure where that came from if it was a notice like I can come close to you and you won't know it or if it was something else.

I heard Dusty scratch at my glass door that night too it was odd, I was sitting out in the dark smoking and everything was quiet. I heard these tiny scratches at the door and the other dogs were in bed. Bella used to play with him in Topher's room when he first passed and we got her. She had a lot of fun so I knew he was still around. I put a solar light by his plant so I wouldn't see shadows by there anymore. I didn't like it, I couldn't tell if it was him or something else.

Having a bath felt nice, for a change I am clean boy was I stinky. I worked in the house and yard and needed one. phewey ! A girl can work and get stinky yuck ! lol. I use bed head on my hair and it makes it so soft and nice and I have really curly hair and it helps detangle it too. I use Paul Mitchell for straightening and it rocks. It gets it straight as a board and I have cork screw curls and I am a gringo white as a sheet lol. Unless out in the sun lol. I wonder if I have any other thing in me than German or American Indian (Cherokee) and where the curly hair came from ? Do American Indians have the curly hair ? I dunno ? My great grandma had full blood American Cherokee in her. I think her name was Martha (I don't bet that was her original name). My great grandfather was a Church of Christ Preacher in Arkansas ! I have a papa that is dead now that was a PK on a farm he lost part of his thumb in a hay bailer (sorry if it is misspelled}. I dunno my Papa was the best and I loved him he was always giving me change. You know what is odd the other day when I woke up (the day after finding the quarter in the door, there was one on the floor next to my bed. I had just vacuumed my floor ? What is that about ? Could have it been him ? I was just wondering ?

I have the best yard guy now, he is so kind and a Christian. His wife has a cyst on her ovary and I prayed for her with him and I could 'see' when I was praying that she was afraid that she wasn't going to have children. I found a really good Pslams (42) and it talks about how David's soul being down cast and feeling like God wasn't listening and then how he realizes that God is always listening. It is a really good one. God is always there for us . Now what Am I GOING TO DO ABOUT HOW I ACTED TOWARD SUSAN AND HOW SHE TREATED ME ?

I know it is NEVER a good idea that we stay together again. That is for sure, Its not the first time I have been fussed at for not keeping the best house but fussing at me doesn't motivate me and it isn't like it was gross just messy. I needed to vacuum, and organize and you don't do that with company and I was stressed. I don't function well with stress. Now that she is gone I can function I can do things I have been cleaning and doing things and mopped half my kitchen and wiped down all the counters and soaked my husbands infected foot and made him dinner last night, and did almost all the dishes and loads of clothes and helped him plant tomatoes. I did a lot.  I can do it. I always do it.

I don't know what to do for my friend Billie it is Father's Day and she is so sad about losing her dad and sick about it. I am going to give her PINK FLAMINGO's and love on her as much as possible. That is what I can do. That is all anyone can do. To love and be loved.

This is too funny

I might get shot by my neighbor for doing this but I am going to get a PINK FLAMINGO and put it in my yard today. You see she has taken it upon herself to tack up her yard by sticking little flags (American) which belong hung up not stuck in the ground. (personal opinion) she made sure one was stuck where I could see, If the moonlight was NOT so bright I would have pulled it up this am.

I am going today, debated whether or not to get my own American Flags to put on the flamingo thought that to be distasteful.  I am however getting lights to enhance its ugliness and putting it RIGHT IN HER VISION SO SHE MIGHT NOT WANT TO SIT ON HER FRONT PORCH AND LOOK AT MY YARD.... I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING MY ASS OFF ALL MORNING. My prayers are answered. I am too quick witted for my own good. like I said I may get shot for this but if I do we all know who did it Anne or Steve Fincher or their daughter Stevi. well that is all... it isn't like the adults in the house across the street haven't threatened me before ahem. Aries signing off tried and true.

Now what ?

So, no I am not writing about world politics no but about things in my life yes.  To me it matters and I guess that is important and I guess that should make me selfish. I was reading Cabagges and Kings and it was about "How People Were Celebrating Bin Laden's Death" some of it was really out there. I don't agree with all of it. I guess my only point about that was some crazier nut was going to take his place. I don't care if he is gone. I am glad the Seals took him out ! They did America a favor. Call me patriotic if you like or nutso I don't care. I don't like what happened on 9/11 and I am not a democrat and I don't think that Obama should get the credit for it either ! I am neither a Republican or a Democrat but closer to a Republican and voted for Bush twice and I think I voted for Bush SR too ! I loved all the Bushs'  and I don't care who thinks this Bi-Polar is a nutt. It might be true in some cases.  I acted like one when I was telling my friend to leave, my afro got bigger standing on end when Christi got between us trying to "stop our argument" ugh. What a ridiculous scenario it all was.

If I could go back and redo the situation, I would have asked to spend the money on the kids and done it at a more appropriate time.  I would have gone and just taken out $100 out of the ATM for Susan and let her leave in peace with her stuff as bitchy as she was maybe even early because she was grumpy  and being a control freak and I don't like that.  I can't stand that in my life. I have totally changed.  I am a free sprit now and don't like people breathing down my neck. I can't handle it I never could I used to cry and get upset NOW I GET MAD. I GET FURIOUS AND LASH OUT !  Her comment about "how can you live like this, I can't ! " really got to me.  I know I am not the neatest person but come on you don't come into someone's house and say something like this off the wall. My kitchen was CLEAN just cluttered ! I didn't have dog hair all over the floor and although I didn't vacuum while she was there I had vacuumed right before she came and it was picked up. My room was the mess that was the mess and she didn't have to go in there except when she went to the bathroom. The bathrooms were spotless I made sure of it. I had them immaculate. I won't take a shower in a bathroom or use the toilet unless they are clean and spotless. I just won't and they get cleaned ususally every week.

My house wasn't gross and I got a Kirby for my anniversarry yesterday which is Sunday and it will be 13 years on Juneteenth. For those of you whom don't know what Juneteenth is it is when Black people celebrate their independence and freedom. It was SO COOL when my husband and I got married we saw all these beautiful brides getting their wedding licenses at city hall in Vegas in beautiful gowns and some were amazing. I remember one young couple the bride imparticular the back of her dress was divine. Anyway, yes we got married in Vegas and NOT by Elvis ! It was a nice ceremony at the Mirage and I picked out the music I walked to Sade's song Angel ? I don't know the name. My last set of foster parents (*mother) asked why do you want to marry her ?  what a stinker and that was after I had him take her soup for a cold when she was pregnant. I can't stand her sometimes. Boy have we had our battles.

It is funny, I wanted to see if they would keep my son for a couple of weeks and they can't because thier son has really bad seizures which I understand. I wanted them to keep my son because I didn't trust him to go to camp, he isn't very mature and wouldn't handle it well- he has sensory processing disorder quite bad.  They told me the same people who made me afraid to leave my house, and trust anyone to go anywhere and made me stay home and babysit all the time and would not let me hang out with my friends the ones now that have cameras in their house so they can watch whoever watches thier son, that they would do things differently. I don't believe that for one second.

So things were a disaster with Susan and I blurted out some pretty hateful things: I know why your marriage failed , you're a control freak. You're a bitch for making my kids cry. Get the fuck out of my house. Pack faster. I can't remember the rest. I went psycho. Topher was cryinig because she was leaving,  she got so angry I was holding myself back in a lunge trying not to jump on her. I have a terrible temper, mind you I wasn't as angry as I was when I was dealing with Anne but she had hurt my kids and her daughter was constantly complaining about my son and daughter. My little girl had burnt her finger on the halogen bulb above the computer in the living room and Sue started yelling at her and Christi was fussing like she was retarded and it was always like my kids were stupid and hers were the best and my son was not smart. I don't care what she thinks anymore I give up. Susan was not a good friend I tried. I would not go into someone's house and treat them this way. I have stayed with relatives that did not have a house as nice as mine and did not disrespect them like that. My grandma can't do everything she is busy and if she can't do it all I help her I don't gripe and make her feel like crap, I come along side her or do it in a NICE way you know ? NOT BITCHY- I don't need pity I need a person that loves me for who I am not that tries to change me but makes me a better person in a good way. Not by belittling me and hurtfulness that is what I got as a child I am an adult now and I do not have to tolerate that crap as an adult.  So see ya Susanna no longer friends and I don't need friends like that anyway.

Oh get this, now I got a text from her wanting her $100 mailed to her. I told her I tried giving it to you but you wouldn't take it. I am wiring it to her today or never. If I don't get the information by 12 pm I am not doing it. I am not waiting all day to do her bidding. It is for "Christi's groceries" she should have taken it when she was here.  My marriage is none of her business, if I make mistakes or not my kids needed clothes and I needed to get them. Ugh what I did was wrong. I should have asked. I know ! He and I agreed to ask and I didn't ask. I am sorry. I am going outside now been up since 2am when hubbies work alarm went off. Cleaned a LOT of the bedroom last night vacuum works GREAT !

Well she left EARLY thank God !

And not a moment too soon, not fifteen minutes into the visit she was bitching about my house keeping abilities. I knew this would happen as she is a fucking control freak.  I had spent the night before up until 2 am doing the kitchen cleaning the dishes and washing the counters off but I am not a neat freak. I don't have the counterspace all clear of debris. I just don't I bleach it because I have OCD yes but I have stuff that I use out on the coutertops. I don't care if it is a little cluttered.

She went and put my son's medicine with mine (irritating VERY MUCH SO !) and stuffed stuff places where it did not GO , like sticking pans in the oven things I DO NOT DO.  NUMBER one because it is a fire hazard and I don't stick stuff there EVER because I am always cooking and don't think of pulling a hot pan out of the oven. One was even full of hot grease ( I was baking bread and had to pull a skillet full of grease and it had a rubber handle) common sense anyone ?

I dunno I don't like people messing with my sanctuary that is my kitchen. My friend Amy doesn't mess with my bathrooms when she cleans because she knows how picky I am. It takes me two hours to clean those and they are small. I am going over them with a fine tooth comb but I don't just stick stuff places and I have OCD so when I do clean I do a good job. I don't half ass do it just to make it look good for company. I do it until I am exhausted.  I don't like the fact Susan  said "you can live like this, I can't !"  fuck her and the horse she drove in on. I told her she was a control freak and she could leave. I spent money on some clothes for my kids (we are going somewhere and my husband yelled outloud about it while I was on my way home and she started packing. She had it with me well it is NONE of her business. NOT my marriage not my anything . She didn't stay married NOT once did I raise my voice while her daughter was here not once. I merely laid the law down. I did tell her they overstayed their welcome.  I was not going to be yelled at anymore. ANYMORE. That is final. She made my son  and daughter cry and I called her a bitch. "I am leaving " I told her she needed to pack faster she was mean to my kids and I didn't appreciate it. I am not having visitors anymore I can't handle the stress they can all fuck themselves coming in my house and trying to tell me how to run my life. ugh.

I am done with it. I merely bought my kids some clothes is that a crime ? I spent money at Khols and it was $340 on enough clothes for the summer.  We are going on a trip and you know what they don't have anything to wear .... nothing nice either. I can wear clothes that I have. I don't even have clothes that fit me. I don't care make up makes me look better I can deal . What business is it of hers ? I ask you she spent $230 on her child did I say anything and that was on one child ... I spent $340 on two I think I got the better deal.  Who is she to judge ? My husband yelled and she passed judgement and she needs to butt the fuck out of my life forever I don't want her there ANYMORE she was never my friend in the first place and this is not borderline or bipolar talking . If she would have been she would have communicated with me when I needed her the most when I found out my diagnosis and been a friend then. I was alone looking to another man for support.  She was not there for me, she never has been, well maybe when things were going wrong with Mark. Then she was when I moved to Florida she was so wrapped up with Kirk and her affair she didn't care. Then I had my own. I am done with her and she is done with me. It is the end of a friendship we said good bye for the final time or didn't today I just let her leave. I am kinda sad it had to end this way. But I can't sit back and take shit off people anymore. I won't I am done doing the "Cinderella thing" it is over !

My best friend is coming TODAY and boy am I behind !

What is the deal ? I can't seem to get off my butt and do anything and work ugh .  That is my best friend who is coming guys ain't she something ? she is so pretty.... and she bakes the most beautiful cakes too. She is a dedicated baker cake decorater and makes the most elegant looking desserts.   I can't believe it that she will be here at 5 pm. I am so nervous, I am beside myself. I feel sick and nervous I need wine and wine and wine and cigarrettes. I am too nervous to function ugh. I am about to clean the bathroom in my room after I finish this post and then straighten my rooom up  and then go to the kitchen and start cooking and making bread and dessert. I don't know what I am making. I think I am going to have to make a cookies or cake or something.

I haven't seen her in years so I am going to have to clean up and look decent. I don't want to look like a bum either. My clothes are all too big too . Ugh !  I have lost about 50 lbs or more.  Anyway I need to go smoke and then I am going to go clean . bye for now. wish me luck gonna need it.

My abilities are getting stronger

Did I mention that I was praying for our grass cutter guy because his wife has a cyst on her ovary and she was very upset ? I saw which ovary it was on and it came to me that she was fearful that she would not have children and then I had a vision that she would have three one of which was a blonde headed little girl. She was wearing a blue dress ! I couldn't see the other two they were shrouded in black but they were there .... waiting to be born. He saided it was odd that I saw she was afraid.

I have the gift of healing and it is getting stronger and the gift of sight. I spoke with the spirit in this house it wants us out ! I saw a shadow come into the light from the bathroom in front of the front door when I was outside smoking on the front porch. It gave me the creeps I didn't like it one bit. I hung the holy water holder in there.  In the room with the spirit, so that it would be limited on what it can do or hurt or mamed or whatever spirits are by the power of God.

Anne my neighbor flipped off my husband and daughter after I called the cops on them for yelling at me.  I sped around them in their car because they were going so slow and almost made me wreck in the neighborhood and I didn't want to get into a fight. I just didn't want to get into it. It didn't work. It happened anyway they started yelling and so did I. OH WELL. I won't next time. I wish we would move but the spirits would follow and I would have worse neighbors too. I am sure of it they would be closer. Ugh! I dunno.

Billy is back in my life and pushing me to go back to church. I won't though, I have been traumatized by them. She pulled out a book on Corinthians by her dad that "explained" why miracles no longer happen . Yet she is off her medicine because  she prayed for God to help her get off of it and she doesn't see that as a miracle. I think she is dumb. really dumb.blind or something. IGNORANT even. I don't get her. I am annoyed with her stupidity of the whole matter it is ok for her to do her thing and not call it a miracle but I can't have mine . LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT IT ALREADY !

I am going to tell you guys this I am spiritual not religious and don't like being backed into a corner about stuff and she backs me into a corner about stuff. I don't fly that way. I am an ARIES pride and true, a fire sign and my daughter is getting on my nerves with her crying because she was supposed to be going to bed and was cutting up with my son and was not sleeping. I am going out to smoke so I don't lose my temper . (and yell) goodnight all.

I had to call the cops on my neighbor

Well its like this it started out I was driving home and I saw her in front of me and she wouldn't let me in the neighborhood. I had to squeeze in behind her so I got really close to her bumper. She bumped the brakes and it ticked me off when she did that so when I got passed the sign in our neighborhood I floored it and went around her because I didn't want to argue with her or get into a fight and she was provoking me. I mean she was doing 5 miles an hour in the neighborhood!
Well when I come home I lock the car run in the garage and lock the door and go on the front porch and I hear yelling all this yelling I turn my radio up so my daughter turns it louder. They get madder and he offers to "bash my head in " I offer for him to come on my front lawn so I can have him arrested ! (I have a no tresspassing notice on the whole family including the dog).

I called the cops they didn't do a thing because I yelled back. I didn't threaten anyone I told them to shut up. I cursed but I didn't tell them anything like a threat ! I am afraid she will kill me or he will so if I die Anne and Steve Fincher have a gun and I warned the cops and my husband and they didn't believe me !!! I wrote down the day she threatened my life in my journal on the bufffett. I am going to go smoke a cigarette before I jump in the shower and get ready for tdoc time at 8 ttyl guys my life is a mes isn't it ?

I am wondering why people don't read my blog

There was a lot at first but am I too negative probably so. I have been scarred from the inside out. I have had two people look at my blog since I wrote it and I don't keep up with it very well maybe I need to post more I guess. I am debating on writing a childrens book.  I am thinking of something with butterflies since I have one tattooed on my arm it would be something spiritual. I would have to figure out about what though I am not sure. Butterflies become though and so it would have to be interesting for the unwanted people of the world. I never felt wanted in my life until I met my husband and had my kids. 

My son was going to go to a camp for what we thought was two weeks and it was stressing us out ( me and my husband). He has to take his medicine for ADD and depression pills etc...so we thought it would be better for him to stay with the people that brought me up in high school . LMAO!  That was a joke. They said NO!  They said (now get this) ..these same people who NEVER let me leave their sight in high school or go ANYWHERE ... I just couldn't believe this but they said "let him go to camp" what a bunch of horse shit ! I heard my husband say to me "They said they would do things differently now." I don't believe that for one second. NOT FOR ONE SECOND. They were over protective baboons that made me paranoid that someone was going to kill or destroy my very being.  I don't know these people and as for anyone else HA!

I guess I am screwed when it comes to "family" I don't have one except the one I prayed for. My mother is dead and gone which sucks and my dad ( birth father) is an asshole. I won't let him near my family as he acted like a turd the last time he came here. He even swatted my daughter's behind and asked her if she had a "crush on her brother "I  don't know but that is grounds for removal of family. I guess I am flying solo if something happens to the one I prayed for. I  will move to Germany or Belgium where my in-laws live but not stay where I am at now. I am not in TEXAS where they live but see God does do miracles ? lol. I dunno it is hard. In Is. 54 it talks about the maker being your husband and I like that if something happens to mine God will be my husband. I doubt very seriously I would find a man to put up with my moods and fiesty behaviour anyway. 

We went couponing today and it was an interesting experience and I hated it at the same time. My husband and I left our son at home and took our daughter and I was so stressssseed out ! It was amazing we saved 54.10 between a card, coupons and discounts at the store. I dunno half the stuff they didn't have and it wasn't very organized. The way my husband had it organized made no sense to me and he didn't even buy cereal or stuff we needed. I have a mission when I go grocery shopping and when I go for $200 I can buy stuff for a month. I don't know what the heck he was thinking?  I guess he was thinking like a man and I think like a woman. We didn't even buy meat and now we are flat broke. I am going to have to be really creative. Jesus help us all ! I don't know what we are going to do if we are going to have to get a cash advance or not but the plan he had in place didn't work. I let him plan it out and we bought lots of vegtables and then NO meat. I limit what I buy there and go for meat and frozen stuff. We have milk in the freezer I think but who the heck knows ? I am worried very much because we eat meat and the kids are not going to eat just vegtables and I have pasta with sauce and a little cheese but things  JUST DID NOT GO WELL I dunno I guess I let him take over too much.

I hear my husband fussing for me to come to bed but I have to get this out. I don't want to let the sun go down without me getting some of this out and my dog is crying because we bought a kennel for "buddy" because they poop and pee all over the house and "bella" has a kidney infection so she has been having accidents I am going to have to clean the carpets in between school work. I dunno PLUS MY SON SAID THE DOGS WENT ON HIS BED UGH!!!!! I am so friggen stressed out. I have to finish school with the kids and get done. Susan is coming and I need about a weeks break and just to "chill" I am not doing school when she is here that is for sure. It takes up all my time and I have the fly lady plan in place. I am going outside to smoke after I finish this. I blessed some stones *(they were from the property though) and that is not good. I stuck them in the four corners and said a prayer. I don't know if it worked, I think I am going to have to go to the basement with one and close the portal. It is a drain by a window. That is where the sprits come in.

In closing I would like to tell you my HUSBAND had an experience with something. His office is in the haunted area of our home. Hell our whole house is that way so nevermind lol.   Anyway, He heard a bzzzzzzzzzzzzz and kept hearing it and went on a search, it was a dremmel screwdriver without batteries in it uncharged in the linen closet. He was thinking of his GRANDFATHER and how he used to work with tools.

is that not weird. There is a life beyond this one I know it.

I also was at the hair salon and my 'abilities' are getting stronger. The owner whom I didn't know I could tell was sad. I talked to him briefly and he said he had some land and was trying to 'sell his house' he knew where he wanted to build and then I got flooded with information in my head. I saw a brunette man with brown eyes and tan skin and how sad he was that they broke up and how he missed him and how he had to move because of all the memories they shared there. I was sad for him I don't know... my abilities are getting stronger in a hurry. That is why this "thing" is in my house terrorizing me trying to scare me and freak me out.
God is gonna do something big in my life so this thing is trying to cause chaos by making my family argue and fuss and bicker and not get along . I understand that this battle is the LORD's but I am not lying down and taking it either. I love God .The Holy SPIRIT lies within all who cry out for it. Remember that . All you have to do is say God help me, and things will happen. He will come to your aide along with all and I mean all of His angels including the ARCH ANGELS like Micheal the one that kicks butt!