I think I may have lost my dearest friend I am not sure

I say I think I may have lost my dearest friend she texted me tonight but before that she called me a hateful bitch for writing something to a guy friend of hers that is a wiener. Not a winner a wiener. I don't like him so I said something smartass to him on her facebook page which was unneccessarry  or however you spell it it is like 12 at night so my brain is fried.  I dunno she got mad at me and let me know real quick that she was fed up with me smoking and some other things that didn't really make sense since she doesn't live near me or with me.  I just don't get it but am hoping since she sent me a humble text of "did you see any trick or treaters tonight" that it is truce time for both of us, I let her have it back and I wasn't very nice either actually I was a very big BITCH back and regret it totally. I got backed into the corner and it's like I said in the email to her if it is fight of flight I am going to fight. I am mean when I need to be and I don't like myself that way.  I am and can be so ugly and boy was I ever so mean and ugly I need to repent before God and her, I sent her another email doing just that. If she will hear what I have to say. No matter if some of what I said is true or not it needed not to be said you know ? some things are better left unsaid.  I should just keep my big ass mouth shut for sure.

I met a lady from one of my hospital stays she has a son the same age as mine. They get along quite well. I dunno if my other friend feels like she is being replaced because she isn't she never could be.  She is too precious.  She is my sister  always will be whether we speak or not I will always love her.  No matter what. I don't feel as upset as I did the day my bestest friend called me a hateful bitch that day I cried now I am over it.  I have kinda accepted the fact that she doesn't want to be my friend and if she did again I won't trust her the way I did before. Things won't ever be the same.  I can't explain why but it just caught me off gaurd for sure/ I am going to go smoke before I go to bed and crash. Church is tomorrow so got a busy day ahead it is after 1am and I am not going to get much sleep. oh well the price you pay for staying up and going to a haunted trail the night before halloween YIKES!