I came across a lady in a clothing store that was going to get a tattoo across her knuckles and wrists that said love hate heart break on it and it broke my ever loving heart. I couldn't take it so I went out and bought her a gift a martini glass that said "who needs a man" on it with a bunch of cute sayings and a purple card and I told her in the card that I know I don't know your name but please don't mark your body with bitterness and anger you are to beautiful to do such a thing you are filled with light. I prayed to God that she would be at the store when I got there and then went on to the chiropractor and got an adjustment because my knee has been hurting so badly. (It didn't help at all)...
I went to Rue 21 and she was there the smile on her face and the tattoos were not on her hands OR wrists thank goodness! I was so thankful, I told her how precious she was to God and how he love her and she should not mark her self with anger and bitterness and she was like well "you have tattoos" and I told her yes but they are pretty except for this one and then I showed her the one of the male sign with the bee ... the one that means men have broken me; and it is a negative bitter mark. I told her everytime I look at it I get sick. I hugged her and gave her the gift and told her how sweet and what a light she had within her and that God has a purpose for her and gave her Jer 29:11 " for I know the plans I have for you, plans for good and not for evil to give you a future and a hope." I love that verse. I went to the car and they were playing the Plain White T's song Rythym of Love and I bawled my eyes out. I could just feel her hopelessness like she felt so far away from God. We are never too far away from Him. Never. remember that Nothing can seperate us from His love not life nor death I can't remember the rest of the verse but it is stated that nothing can seperate from His love in the Bible and I believe it. With my whole heart. It is funny I don't know where stuff is but when I read it I don't forget it. I just don't. I need to read it more I am going to look that one up and write it on here so everyone that reads my blog can see what I am talking about if they are so interested. God truly loves us so much that He gave us his son on the cross to bear our sins that we may live eternally in Heaven with Jesus and the Holy Spirit is a gift did you guys know that .It is our helper. Not some mythical thing. It helps us like our strength. a boost to our being it is the one that convicts of sin and protects and rebukes and it is all knowing and gives spiritual gifts and I am grateful for it . anyway I have to do school now... blessings to you all.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
I am tired of feeling nervous and anti-social all the time
I wouldn't feel that way I don't think if I wouldn't keep running into psycho weirdo's but when people see me for who I really am they judge me and I can't be honest what I about ... so it sucks. To have these have these gifts is hard and to not be able to share it with others sucks too. When I tried to lay hands on Billie she didn't believe in miracles even though she had extreme pain in her shoulder, and told me that miracles only happened when Jesus lived. That is a lie, Jesus equips each of us with the ability to heal others in different ways some with healing words, others with healing touch, some with other ways- you just have to find it within yourself. That book speaking to your Guides was amazing even yesterday when I went shopping I asked My bargain angels to be about me and help me to find good deals and my son found t-shirts that he liked at his favorite store for $3 and I found a lot of things for my daughter for a great bargain. I was so pleased . I also got some metal baseball bats incase a coyote decides to come on our property when we are walking the dogs. I don't want to get attacked ! I am not going down without a fight. End of story.
I feel nervous and am tired of it I don't know why I took one less saphris last night and don't feel grumpy but feel nervous so I took one of my daughters Vyvanse it is 20 less mg strong than mine I am hoping this helps I don't know. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to have to pay for my medication either when I am not giving it to her. I don't like how sad she gets on it, how depressed she is and so I don't give it to her anymore. I know she gets in trouble but I just tell her to try to do better. I am doing school outside today with me and my son to get some fresh air and maybe taking a nerve pill to calm myself. I will NOT drink coffee which will make it worse and say my prayers. That I know will help. I need to see the psychic again. My son picks up on every little mood I have he is an empath too and it hurts him and if I am aggravated he gets that way too. I need to have her do some work on him too -he is getting baptised on Sunday but I know he understands that NO ONE at church can know that we have these gifts . He feels weird about them like they are ungodly I think. I know they are not but I don't know what he thinks he has the gift of healing he can pray and make things better too. I amazed at all he is capable of. I wish he would see the good he can do and not that it is a negative - it hurts me but that comes in time I just let him talk to me about it when he wants to now. I try to be available when he needs me. That is what my therapist I just get so darn excited like I wish someone would have when I was a kid you know ? No one got me when I was a child they just treated me like I was a freak either for being too skinny or too hyper or whatever.... it was rough. I just hated school and kids never got me. I just never had a lot of friends they knew me because I was in drama and was not bashful about performing in the classrooms in front of them and they were like HI "____" but they didn't know my struggles ... how I really was depressed and wished I would die and hated my home life.
Deena constantly telling me I wasn't part of the family and how I didn't have to be there if I screwed up. I just felt so alienated. It was difficult the only thing that kept me grounded was Steve's kind words and her children he believed in me and always told me I could do it .. and the kids they loved me as if I belonged. And Grandma Nadine she loves me like I am her own I love her very much. I will always love her. I know if something happens that I might not be able to come but I would want to. I might not be welcome but I would want to. I would cry like a baby I love her so much -she was good to me. Always even when she was ugly when my mom died. I have forgiven her of that. It was dumb and she said it out of anger towards someone that drove her crazy. Anyway I am going to go now and will write more later my knee hurts when I sit at the computer. Got to make breakfast for my son. thanks for reading !
I feel nervous and am tired of it I don't know why I took one less saphris last night and don't feel grumpy but feel nervous so I took one of my daughters Vyvanse it is 20 less mg strong than mine I am hoping this helps I don't know. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to have to pay for my medication either when I am not giving it to her. I don't like how sad she gets on it, how depressed she is and so I don't give it to her anymore. I know she gets in trouble but I just tell her to try to do better. I am doing school outside today with me and my son to get some fresh air and maybe taking a nerve pill to calm myself. I will NOT drink coffee which will make it worse and say my prayers. That I know will help. I need to see the psychic again. My son picks up on every little mood I have he is an empath too and it hurts him and if I am aggravated he gets that way too. I need to have her do some work on him too -he is getting baptised on Sunday but I know he understands that NO ONE at church can know that we have these gifts . He feels weird about them like they are ungodly I think. I know they are not but I don't know what he thinks he has the gift of healing he can pray and make things better too. I amazed at all he is capable of. I wish he would see the good he can do and not that it is a negative - it hurts me but that comes in time I just let him talk to me about it when he wants to now. I try to be available when he needs me. That is what my therapist I just get so darn excited like I wish someone would have when I was a kid you know ? No one got me when I was a child they just treated me like I was a freak either for being too skinny or too hyper or whatever.... it was rough. I just hated school and kids never got me. I just never had a lot of friends they knew me because I was in drama and was not bashful about performing in the classrooms in front of them and they were like HI "____" but they didn't know my struggles ... how I really was depressed and wished I would die and hated my home life.
Deena constantly telling me I wasn't part of the family and how I didn't have to be there if I screwed up. I just felt so alienated. It was difficult the only thing that kept me grounded was Steve's kind words and her children he believed in me and always told me I could do it .. and the kids they loved me as if I belonged. And Grandma Nadine she loves me like I am her own I love her very much. I will always love her. I know if something happens that I might not be able to come but I would want to. I might not be welcome but I would want to. I would cry like a baby I love her so much -she was good to me. Always even when she was ugly when my mom died. I have forgiven her of that. It was dumb and she said it out of anger towards someone that drove her crazy. Anyway I am going to go now and will write more later my knee hurts when I sit at the computer. Got to make breakfast for my son. thanks for reading !
Thursday, February 17, 2011
this is how I feel about my marriage today... I don't know why. or maybe I do.
Hurricane Drunk By Florence + Machine
No walls
can keep me protected
no sleep
nothing inbetween me and the rain
and you can't save me now
I'm in the grip of a hurrican a
I'm gonna blow myself away
I' going out I'm going to drink myself to death
No home Idon't want shelter
No calm Nothing can keep me from the storm
and you can't hold me down 'cause I belong to the hurricane
It gonna blow us all away
I hope that you see me cause I'm staring at you but when you look over you look right trhough then you lean over and kiss heron the head
and I never felt so alive and so dead .
I'm going out
I'm going to drink myself to death
and in the crwd I see you with someone else
I brace myself cause I know its going to hurt
I'm going out......
I dunno I think this song says it all. Even though my husband is not physically having an outward relationship with women outside of the marriage it is obvious by his actions that his interest in me is lacking ... I have lost almost 20 lbs and am looking hot again. I have even noticed it myself ..I am amazed how good I look when I dress up and how good my face and make-up look and my hair since I have grown it out. I look damn good. He even blushed when he looked at me and couldn't even look me in the eyes. I looked that good. I don't know why he has to turn to his computer for satisfaction. I abhor his technology, it is his one true fascination. He spent all day with it yesterday even after he got off of work and I was so disappointed and he just left me and the kids ALONE. It hurts so badly. I am tiring of it. I take showers and that is the only way I get any satisfaction of my own. I was doing other things but came to the conclusion that it was ungodly and had to just really give it to God. I didn't want to be responsible for making him feel like less of a man . I know I had to take care of myself but I wasn't being very discreet about it and doing it out of anger. So I just did away with the things. I have almost given up on my marriage if this counseling thing doesn't help I don't know what I am going to do I guess I will wait until I am strong enough to get a job and maybe go to a tech college for some sort of degree and then leave I don't know I just feel so isolated. This is not what my marriage was about when I started. I never imagined being so damn lonely. I hate it. He blames me smoking but I go out there to have peace of mind and to be at peace, I can't stand the television constantly blaring his programs or the kids going at it so I go outside for my peace and listen to music or just nothing and hear the wind in the trees. I just listen to nothingness. I can't handle a lot and have really gotten frustrated that no one helps me at least the cleaning ladies come. NO one helps fold the laundry and I am so far behind it is ridiculous and everybody just takes their clean clothes and throws them back in the dirty ones because they don't want to put them away and I am not a slave. I am not about to run around picking up like I did after people like when I was a child . I am not forget it. I have able bodied people in my family and that is just offensive to me. I know that if I wash something they can put it up simple and plain or even fold it. I am tired of people using me like that. I am depressed and tired of being used like that. To my husband I am nothing more than a cook and dishwasher and that is all. He sees me as nothing more I can tell and I tire of it. I bet there are many women that feel this way and men too that feel like banks to their wives. I used to treat my husband like an ATM and it got old and hurt him I have quit doing that . I don't treat him like that anymore. It is rude and vengeful . I used to spend his money like water because of the porn and do things to get back at him and now well i have just given up. I don't fight with him anymore about it I just keep my mouth shut. I apologized for my sin and left it at that. Deception is not a good thing in a marriage and it is what the pastor talked about last Sunday so I asked for prayer about just how I had been living a lie and it helped me feel better. I wanted to go to church last night for the puppet ministry but I couldn't I am afraid to get involved .I am a healer and psychic and you have to lie about that kind of thing in church and I am not a liar. I would rather lay low and not get to know too many people and just be a loner. It is easier that way. When you have Bi-Polar in church people try to pray the devil out of you and I have been told "We don't know what's in you" and that I am meniacal...or my hair was because I got it colored pink and purple that it looked evil or something and what a load of BS ! I don't get it. These self righteous people tell you so much about how they are so perfect like Billy for example ... the perfect christian woman the woman I looked up to the woman who got me back into church in the first place. She is a perfect example of what you are not to do. The Bible says get the plank out of your own eye before you get the splinter out of someone elses eye and she just thought she was being so righteous with her anger if she would have come with love I would have heard her a lot clearer than in anger but you know what It doesn't matter I don't need friends I have my kids and even if my husband ignores me in Isaiah 54 it says the maker is your husband and I take that to heart. I don't need a filler for God and what he can do. I don't .. end of story , I am not going to drink I took two nerve pills today and prayed really hard the prayer of jabez so I wouldn't be grumpy and I hate doing school anymore my attitude is terrible and I am just really ready to put my son in public school it is a battle EVERYDAY and I am stinking tired of it. He lays down argues with me and i am just tired of his junk. I don't know what to do anymore it is stressing me out and depressing me. I hate school I want to move on with MY LIFE and make something happen for me isnt that selfish ? I hate what is going on with the person I have become. I hate leaving my house I am afraid of getting close to people because they are constantly rejecting or hurting me and ugly to me and I am tired of it. I have such a big heart and people take advantage of me ! I don't know how to stop it ...I am going to have to take that topic of discussion up with my tdoc
going for now. thanks for reading my blog. I hope you enjoy it.
No walls
can keep me protected
no sleep
nothing inbetween me and the rain
and you can't save me now
I'm in the grip of a hurrican a
I'm gonna blow myself away
I' going out I'm going to drink myself to death
No home Idon't want shelter
No calm Nothing can keep me from the storm
and you can't hold me down 'cause I belong to the hurricane
It gonna blow us all away
I hope that you see me cause I'm staring at you but when you look over you look right trhough then you lean over and kiss heron the head
and I never felt so alive and so dead .
I'm going out
I'm going to drink myself to death
and in the crwd I see you with someone else
I brace myself cause I know its going to hurt
I'm going out......
I dunno I think this song says it all. Even though my husband is not physically having an outward relationship with women outside of the marriage it is obvious by his actions that his interest in me is lacking ... I have lost almost 20 lbs and am looking hot again. I have even noticed it myself ..I am amazed how good I look when I dress up and how good my face and make-up look and my hair since I have grown it out. I look damn good. He even blushed when he looked at me and couldn't even look me in the eyes. I looked that good. I don't know why he has to turn to his computer for satisfaction. I abhor his technology, it is his one true fascination. He spent all day with it yesterday even after he got off of work and I was so disappointed and he just left me and the kids ALONE. It hurts so badly. I am tiring of it. I take showers and that is the only way I get any satisfaction of my own. I was doing other things but came to the conclusion that it was ungodly and had to just really give it to God. I didn't want to be responsible for making him feel like less of a man . I know I had to take care of myself but I wasn't being very discreet about it and doing it out of anger. So I just did away with the things. I have almost given up on my marriage if this counseling thing doesn't help I don't know what I am going to do I guess I will wait until I am strong enough to get a job and maybe go to a tech college for some sort of degree and then leave I don't know I just feel so isolated. This is not what my marriage was about when I started. I never imagined being so damn lonely. I hate it. He blames me smoking but I go out there to have peace of mind and to be at peace, I can't stand the television constantly blaring his programs or the kids going at it so I go outside for my peace and listen to music or just nothing and hear the wind in the trees. I just listen to nothingness. I can't handle a lot and have really gotten frustrated that no one helps me at least the cleaning ladies come. NO one helps fold the laundry and I am so far behind it is ridiculous and everybody just takes their clean clothes and throws them back in the dirty ones because they don't want to put them away and I am not a slave. I am not about to run around picking up like I did after people like when I was a child . I am not forget it. I have able bodied people in my family and that is just offensive to me. I know that if I wash something they can put it up simple and plain or even fold it. I am tired of people using me like that. I am depressed and tired of being used like that. To my husband I am nothing more than a cook and dishwasher and that is all. He sees me as nothing more I can tell and I tire of it. I bet there are many women that feel this way and men too that feel like banks to their wives. I used to treat my husband like an ATM and it got old and hurt him I have quit doing that . I don't treat him like that anymore. It is rude and vengeful . I used to spend his money like water because of the porn and do things to get back at him and now well i have just given up. I don't fight with him anymore about it I just keep my mouth shut. I apologized for my sin and left it at that. Deception is not a good thing in a marriage and it is what the pastor talked about last Sunday so I asked for prayer about just how I had been living a lie and it helped me feel better. I wanted to go to church last night for the puppet ministry but I couldn't I am afraid to get involved .I am a healer and psychic and you have to lie about that kind of thing in church and I am not a liar. I would rather lay low and not get to know too many people and just be a loner. It is easier that way. When you have Bi-Polar in church people try to pray the devil out of you and I have been told "We don't know what's in you" and that I am meniacal...or my hair was because I got it colored pink and purple that it looked evil or something and what a load of BS ! I don't get it. These self righteous people tell you so much about how they are so perfect like Billy for example ... the perfect christian woman the woman I looked up to the woman who got me back into church in the first place. She is a perfect example of what you are not to do. The Bible says get the plank out of your own eye before you get the splinter out of someone elses eye and she just thought she was being so righteous with her anger if she would have come with love I would have heard her a lot clearer than in anger but you know what It doesn't matter I don't need friends I have my kids and even if my husband ignores me in Isaiah 54 it says the maker is your husband and I take that to heart. I don't need a filler for God and what he can do. I don't .. end of story , I am not going to drink I took two nerve pills today and prayed really hard the prayer of jabez so I wouldn't be grumpy and I hate doing school anymore my attitude is terrible and I am just really ready to put my son in public school it is a battle EVERYDAY and I am stinking tired of it. He lays down argues with me and i am just tired of his junk. I don't know what to do anymore it is stressing me out and depressing me. I hate school I want to move on with MY LIFE and make something happen for me isnt that selfish ? I hate what is going on with the person I have become. I hate leaving my house I am afraid of getting close to people because they are constantly rejecting or hurting me and ugly to me and I am tired of it. I have such a big heart and people take advantage of me ! I don't know how to stop it ...I am going to have to take that topic of discussion up with my tdoc
going for now. thanks for reading my blog. I hope you enjoy it.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I went to therapy today
Well after being blown out of the water by Billie for to her being critical of her son Daniel, I apologized from the bottom of my heart and even cried about it. She proceeded to tell me what a rotten friend I had been to her ( I am NOT a mean sprited person so I don't accept or own that either) ... and that I have "problems" that she recognizes and that should be dealt with. Now, mind you I am in therapy -she is not , I take my medicine EVERY day- she does not ... I don't know why she is judging me for things that she herself is irresponsible for and feels so self righteous. I am going to stand up for what I believe in protecting my children. My tdoc called it being a shark, I am being a shark right now but a smart one I am not telling Billie what went on what Daniel said or did or what went on when he was in Erwin (his cousin smoked pot around him) and all the other crap that he said and did around my kids she wouldn't listen anyway... so I am going to just stay away from her! That is the smartest thing that I can do. When I informed her that I would no longer be going to church with her she informed me that " you need to hear the truth" well that is 'her truth' and not mine. I am not exposing my kids to her crap or being talked down to anymore. She hates me right now and is very ugly to me. I am not putting up with it, she told me I carry my feelings on my sleeve and that I am sick (she usually brings that up) and I well I don't need to hear that crap. I have been out of the hospital almost a year now I think in March or April it will be a year and my meds are doing really well so I am not in the mood to hear someone tell me just how awful I am. I am not an awful person. I love people until they push me to the brink and her son did that he was extremely confrontational and abrupt with me and then he befriended me and tried to 'talk to me' and then stirred up a bunch of crap with his mom because of what was said between us. I don't need it. If she knew that I was a healer or psychic she would call me evil or something .... She didn't even believe me when I told her my mother practiced witchcraft. That stuff is really real. The dark arts are real and you should NEVER mess with them. She said people can't be possessed and she watches all kinds of scary movies like they are nothing and claims to be a christian but the way she acts she really isn't she doesn't have the spirit of love or of forgiveness in her heart. I know it I have seen it for myself. It is obvious Jesus said " you will know them by their fruits" she isn't bearing good fruit. I asked for forgivness and she won't forgive me and so phooey on her. That is all I have to say.
I had an amazing experience with healing ... my son bumped his head on the cabinet while drinking something and got a lump and I laid hands on him and could literally feel the energy pass through my hands it was amazing. It has really gotten stronger . I wonder how much stronger it will get as I get older. I keep cleaning out my spirit and asking for forgiveness and it is just amazing and you know what it is so healing . I know i make mistakes and want to heal others . I told my therapist how I have the gift of sight and can see people's husbands and children (what they look like) but I would never do that to her because I don't want to cross that boundary it would be wrong. I did get a vision of her kids with blonde hair and had to stop myself . I can't help it, it just hit me. She must have thought of them when I brought it up.
I am going to go I am tired... long day-bye
I had an amazing experience with healing ... my son bumped his head on the cabinet while drinking something and got a lump and I laid hands on him and could literally feel the energy pass through my hands it was amazing. It has really gotten stronger . I wonder how much stronger it will get as I get older. I keep cleaning out my spirit and asking for forgiveness and it is just amazing and you know what it is so healing . I know i make mistakes and want to heal others . I told my therapist how I have the gift of sight and can see people's husbands and children (what they look like) but I would never do that to her because I don't want to cross that boundary it would be wrong. I did get a vision of her kids with blonde hair and had to stop myself . I can't help it, it just hit me. She must have thought of them when I brought it up.
I am going to go I am tired... long day-bye
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Well I am not going to own what she said !
I don't care what she said, I am NOT OWNING it ! I am not. That is my final thought on the matter and even though she made me cry for some of the terrible things she said to me after I tried to help her and her family she bawled me out because my kids are too fragile in her eyes and the awful thing was my son heard every word she said. She said to me you are never saying another word to Daniel for anything he does. I am just not having them around my kids I found out yesterday that he said the word porn in front of my daugher when we went over to thier house she has no idea what that is. If she came to me with that I would have a LOT of time getting around that one.
He said I taught him the word intercourse can you believe that one, I said my dog would end up having it on his leg. My son said I never said that I believe him. I know my son has the memory of an elephant and he would remember something like that. What a turdy kid who knows what is next from that child I am steering clear of that family. I guess I am too snotty for them. I have house keepers to keep me straight when and IF I go into the hospital and to keep me and my husband from fighting because he does absolutely nothing around the house. When I tried to talk to him about some of my concerns about this whole fiasco he of course as usual blew me off and I lost it. I told him one day since we have NOTHING to go on anymore would find me sexy and interesting and love me for all that I am and would want to make love to me and talk to me and be my friend and be around me. He said I could say the same about your cigarrettes .. I told him I don't like spending my days in front of the computer or t.v. and that is ALL that he does. EVER. I am not overexaggeratting about this he could marry them for all I care I am sick of him. He never wants to spend time with me I do his laundry and cook and that is all I am to him. He makes me ill. I am tired of him. It hurts. His computer is what makes him satisfied and the women he sees there. pig. got to go now getting angry.
He said I taught him the word intercourse can you believe that one, I said my dog would end up having it on his leg. My son said I never said that I believe him. I know my son has the memory of an elephant and he would remember something like that. What a turdy kid who knows what is next from that child I am steering clear of that family. I guess I am too snotty for them. I have house keepers to keep me straight when and IF I go into the hospital and to keep me and my husband from fighting because he does absolutely nothing around the house. When I tried to talk to him about some of my concerns about this whole fiasco he of course as usual blew me off and I lost it. I told him one day since we have NOTHING to go on anymore would find me sexy and interesting and love me for all that I am and would want to make love to me and talk to me and be my friend and be around me. He said I could say the same about your cigarrettes .. I told him I don't like spending my days in front of the computer or t.v. and that is ALL that he does. EVER. I am not overexaggeratting about this he could marry them for all I care I am sick of him. He never wants to spend time with me I do his laundry and cook and that is all I am to him. He makes me ill. I am tired of him. It hurts. His computer is what makes him satisfied and the women he sees there. pig. got to go now getting angry.
Monday, February 7, 2011
I went to the psychic healer for a person reading and it was fabulous
She is an AMAZING woman ! I am so thrilled to have met with her ! She cleansed me of a LOT of stuff and helped me and prayed over my house biproxy to cleanse my house of portals and spirits. I have one left the guy that had the motorcycle accident. He is still here, he let his presence be known by changing the radio station yesterday. Dusty has moved on to Heaven, she oddly enough saw him as a German Shepard and I guess that is because he had such a strong spirit. I don't think it was because he was killed by them at all. I feel a hundred percent better ! She cleansed me of bad memories and oddly enough one got triggered by my friends son and I didn't over react which is normal for me. I have a tendancy to do that. Usually that is my normal when I get triggered or something from my past comes up. I went Saturday ready for my new spiritual path to begin and for direction and she cleansed me and sent me with a New Angelic team and I am so much clearer now it is amazing. For those of you who aren't aware of it. You each have a team of Angels and Spirit Guides that work with you. Bargin Helpers and all sorts of helpers and you can call on them for EVERYTHING. There is a really good book (look it up it is by Sonia Choquette) I can't remember the exact name but it is something to the effect of "Communicating with your Guides " . I have asked for instance my bargain Angels to help me find bargains say for instance at Christmas and found the most outrageous presents for my daughter at little to no cost that went perfectly with what I had bought her at another store ! It is amazing what they are ready to do for you ! They are so ready to help and love us so much and all they want is a thank you or some candles lit or flowers for gratitude. That is all. It is amazing how I recieve messages through tarot cards and interpt them but a lot of people would say this is witchcraft but it isn't I look up Bible verses too I just "get them" from God. It goes with whatever I have gotten in the reading and it comforts whomever I have done the reading for. It helps them. It is a blessing. I got prayers from the lady too to do everyday and one for my pets and my house and there are pet angels too did you know that.
I personally believe Dusty went to my smallest puppy Buddy and told him I loved nose kisses because he gives them to me now and he also told him how much I needed his love. Buddy hangs around me a lot more than he used to. He used to only be around my daughter. It hurt my feelings. Up until Saturday I wasn't sure if I wanted Dusty to move on and I decided it wasnt fair for Dusty to stick around on this earth on account of me but he needed to go to heaven and enjoy his new life and not worry about us anymore. I haven't been able to get on the computer and blog I have been so upset. I have been cursing and hating my neighbors and had to get before God and ask for forgiveness. I went to church last Wednesday and the message was about Jesus' Sermon on The Mount. Praying for Your Neighbors ....I realized that those dogs are Millie's baby's and if something happened to them she would be crushed and so I am praying for their safety and that their hearts will change and that they won't hurt anyone. I pray for her that she will understand what she did hurt me, and I pray for my across the street neighbor that when she drinks and drives that she will get pulled over before she kills anyone. I pray for her that she will not make me mad or angry I don't care for her because she started trouble for me and my family and I don't trust her but I can't hold a grudge so I have to pray. Praying will keep me from hating. It keeps me from being mean and spiteful and calling names and wishing evil on people. I have God to lean on and he loves my family my sweet little family dearly.
My goodness it is a hard row to hoe. My son and I got into it. On Tuesday it was TERRIBLE ! I had been taking 2 pristiqs to keep my depression at bay and was being a witch with a b. ( Really trying not to curse here) .... new thing. And was on the phone with a girlfriend and he called me abusive. Yes I have been rough with him in the past but NEVER ABUSIVE .... and he has been throwing stuff up in my face lately. I lost it and started yelling and screaming all the stuff that I had gone through as a child (after I had hung up on her) . I was furious. I then went to the kitchen because I was so angry and got a coffee cup and threw it at the counter and tried to get it to break. It didn't to my dismay. I then went outside to smoke. I later got my cell phone and called her back outside. What I didn't know was he went into the attic and was listening. .... I was so ANGRY an MAD and furious that I just started spouting off stuff. I said to her, if I had any balls I would tell him that blank (name) is not his real dad because he is SO INCREDIBLY disrespectful to him and I am tired of it they argue all the blank time and I am tired of it . They fight like cats and dogs and I hate it and I am tired of being put in the middle all the blank time and they need to stop and maybe if he knew he would act like he loved him. My husband found out I was pregnant right after he met me and NEVER LEFT MY SIDE ...never. end of story. That night I was outside with my son and saw the attic lights on and said "How did the attic lights get on?, I have to get up there and turn them off..." and he said to me " Mom I kinda figured it out about a week ago, but I heard you talking to (name) today and it confirmed it." I fell apart. I said do you think I am a slut ? I know who it was his name what Charlie and we only did it twice. I told him if it was my first husband he was a terrible man and I don't want him to EVER meet him. He said he believes me and doesn't want to. Maybe one day he will change his mind but for now he is good. He is in a lot of turmoil on the inside maybe I don't know but he went to my husband and they cried together we three did and hugged and it made us all closer and he told him he would NEVER change dads in the whole world and he was sorry for being disrespecful to him. I have a sticker on my husbands car " anyone can be a father it takes a real man to be a dad " and that is the God's honest truth. I was always worried that if I went back to Texas that some jerk in my family would tell my son that my husband wasn't his bio dad and it would break his heart. He had already figured it out. His hair is blonde and my husbands is almost blacks. My husband had chocolate brown eyes my son has my eyes or rather mine, and my nose too, he is beautiful just gorgeous. So handsome and tall and strong he is going to be so good looking when he gets older a really ladies man lol. I just know it, not to mention he has a sweet soul. And the spiritual gifts that I do but don't tell him I told you that. lol He would get so angry.It is nice to have the cat out of the bag though because now no one can hurt us ! HA on them .
To get back to my visit with the psychic it went very well , I recieved the gift of the Holy Spirit which makes me able to speak in tongues but I am having a tongue tied time trying a few things have come out . I guess I am a little afraid not of God but just letting go. It might be sounding silly or something I don't really understand it is unusual to me and not normal so I am going to have to grow in my comfort and make it normal and second nature. I need to practice because when you are a healer speaking in tongues is VITAL to the healing process. (even in your head). I must practice. I don't meditate, so maybe that can be my meditation. The lady said in a former life I turned to the dark side and I used dark witchcraft to hex people and stuff and so my abilities in this life had been blocked so she asked my debt be repaid and for my abilities to be restored thankfully I have them back she said. The angels and God are very forgiving.
This is what she said I was a PSYCHIC HEALER AND MY MISSION WAS TO SPREAD LOVE
I want more than anything to help others.
I want to have a gentle and quiet spirit and to stop yelling and be sweet to my kids instead of raising my voice at them. My friend Billy the one that I had the falling out with a while back was telling me how my son acted out when he doesn't get his way. He has OCD really bad she just doesn't understand him. He likes to sit on the certain side of the car and doesn't like pillow cases on his pillows and has to use covers a certain way if it was up to him he wouldn't even have a sheet on his bed . He has to have a fan even in the dead of winter. It has to be cold for him. We spent the night with Billy and I was so emotionally exhausted I had to stay away from her all weekend. Her son showed my son a picture on the internet of a homeless man with maggots (a trigger will explain) on youtube. I was very upset. I talked to her about it He PUT ME ON SPEAKER PHONE when I was telling her WHY it upset me .... it upset me because when I lived with Leska. The demonic woman that she was she had purchased a VERY sick lamb full with maggots crawling in and out of its skin she made me and I mean made me feed it a bottle of milk while it was dying. It ended up dying behind the garage apartment she didn't even take it to the vet it just laid back there bellowing for its mother. Had I not specifically asked for that memory to be removed at my session with the psychic I think I would have been livid with Billy's son. He looks at the 'Good Lord knows what on the internet and I told him NO MORE with my son. NO MORE interet for him and my son. I don't want him pulling up porn or who knows what and showing it to him you never know these days. I am not saying that he does but my son has a VERY tender heart and did not think that was funny and a very tender stomach and he was ready to puke.
I don't think him and Daniel get along because they are on different levels. My son takes meds for ADD and it calms him. I think the other little boy needs meds for ADD and doesn't get them because he is so hyper. I don't think he is a bad kid or anything but he is VERY SAD and his grandma just died and the memory of her suffering is ever present in his mind and he is having trouble getting over it. He is angry and that is how depression shows up but his parents won't listen to me. I tried telling his mom that is how my son acted when he was depressed and messed up but she won't hear me and he saw his grandma waste away and it hurt him and his dad goes there to her house a lot and it bothers him and he says he sees and hears things and he is scared of the dark. He is a lonely kid and hates school bullied like a lot of kids. Kids are so mean nowadays ! They stink. I enrolled my son for the charter school 6 days too late like a dork maybe he will get in but if not I will be home schooling him next year with my daughter no problem. I don't care. I am doing it. I am going to if it kills me. I am doing that and taking the class for the psychic stuff on Tuesday nights from 7-9 it is 45 minutes there and back so I will be tired but it is once a week and for 4 months at $125 I can't wait it even teaches you how to protect yourself. That is what I need.
The psychic lady blocked my empath powers for now which is good they were too strong anyway and getting in the way of life and especially with the spirits I could tell what was going on with them so much that they were attached to me. She helped most of them move on she saw John the cowboy and the little girl and Dusty as a German Shepard. I still think that is strange but a powerful sign. My son is doing school right now as I write this just so you know. I just couldn't type for awhile.
When I went to a night with the angels it was so hard. Dusty gave me a message "it was not my fault, that he loved me and that he wanted me to move on and that he was with me." I cried like a baby. I also found out in a former life I had been a writer. I could not relay that message on here though .That night my son heard Dusty bark a protective bark in the front yard. I see a lot of the good charectaristics in the little Buddy his white spot on the top of his head and his sweetness and his cuddling and his kisses and his talking, he is a talker, he doesn't growl though. Bella she will bite in a heartbeat and growl you have to be careful I think that is why they got rid of her she is really a snappy person. Definately chihuahua breed. I see the chihuahua in ehr but she knows bette than to bite me because I will get her. She has bit me before if I kiss her on the face but I don't do that anymore. I know better. I know for sure she doesn't like it. I just put her butt in the cage. She does well in there. It is amazing she just goes right in.
Billy is blasting me out of the water right now, for not putting up with Daniel and his crap, he says and does things. I am so sorry for being rude and cursing and not doing the right thing God please forgive me. I have done wrong. She is bawling me out right now. I am on the phone with her now and listening to her about all the ugly things I have done wrong. I am so sorry for not understanding exactly what I am supposed to do. I told Daniel he was being mouthy on Wednesday (which he was ) he made his mom cry and now she tells me that my kids are all fragile and I am giving him low self-esteem for telling him not to do "this and that " around my kids. I have a bad feeling about Daniel. I was in the car with him on Friday, and he said some chic wanted to "do him" in front of my son or rather when my son was in the back seat. I told him I didn't need to hear that. He also proceeded to tell me that in Erwin his cousin smoked pot in an enclosed room. I don't trust the kid there is something about him that is off. I can't put my finger on it. I can't I can read people and he is off for sure. I don't care what anyone says he is the kind of person that would hurt you on purpose and say it was an accident. Billy will always make excuses for him she is a helicopter parent. I parent I know my kids I know they get on peoples nerves and they are sheltered I don't care. I have cursed in front of them yes. I am have stopped too. Billy threw it up in my face she was being SO ugly to me. It hurt so bad. Like she is so perfect. Her kid is not perfect at all. He is kiniving or however you spell it. I know it. He was talking about how to poison the dogs when I was mad at them or throwing a coke on Anne's car he is devious. I would NEVER DO ANYTHING to anyone in this neighborhood. She says I have an illness, I am sick and she is sick and we were never supposed to be friends and that people in the hospital are never supposed to be friends . This all started because I didn't want Daniel showing Topher stuff from youtube. I don't care I have to set boundaries. I don't want Daniel pulling up porn and showing it to my son who knows what that kid looks at. He watches scary movies. He looks at scary stuff on t.v. and I don't like it. He like excorsisms and stuff like that. That stuff is real not to joke about. He is just a weirdo. I have tried I am going to drop and distance myself from this relationship for sure it is not good. I told her that if I would have known if she was not going to take that puppy (she lied and said she was going to the vet) to the vet I would have NEVER taken her and Daniel to get him. He is an awful dog anyway. He is so mean. He bites and chews. I told her NEVER to bring him over here again. I don't want him spreading his germs. She leaves Rowdy her poodle outside to rot since she got that stupid puppy like it was nothing. Her husband William treats me like I am a child and talks down to me and when my husband was coming over to get medication from her house he left so he wouldn't have to meet him how rude is that ? I think they think we are better than them or something. I don't though. I told her I am just a regular person that is up to my eyeballs in debt. She doesn't believe me and she made me cry today. I hope she is happy. She said I brought her down she blamed me but I don't believe that I am NOT owning that. I won't her son is being rude and hateful and I didn't start it and I hardly see her I haven't even been around her .I spent one night with her. My kids spent the day with her.
I asked her if it would be o.k.and she said yes , if it wasn't ok then she should have said NO. Plain and simple. That is all. I don't like the way she talked to me at all but I took it. She said she wasn't going to take anymore comments about but on Saturday I didn't even make any when Daniel purposely slammed the door closed on my daughter and she freaked out I just hugged her and loved on her and said "he didn't know" and didn't get mad at him. I packed up my stuff and left, and was glad to do so. I wanted to help her clean up but she wouldn't have it even though she woke me up at 3 am. I wanted my husband to take me to the psychic because it was so far away and it was rainey and I didn't want to get lost even with my GPS.
I am tired of fighting with her. I am tired of having relationships. She said she knows why I don't have friends. I have a few but I just don't like it when my kids get beat up or picked on or exposed to trash on the internet. I can't help it if I have standards. Yes I have cursed but I don't pull up crap and show it to them and say look at me.... and think it is funny. It was gross what Daniel did and uncalled for and if his mother knew the other stuff that he said to me well number one she wouldn't believe it he would lie one me and she would be furious. She is going to "PROTECT HER SON" by doing so he will probably end up on drugs in jail and arrested. She is on my poop list right now so he better NOT call me today and try to make friendly. I also have to say this I am not interested in hearing all his problems I have a son of my own. I will refer him to his mother.
I am tired of people talking to me anyway they think they can just to make a point it hurt my feelings. She was really rude and didn't need to be that way I was being a good listener..
I personally believe Dusty went to my smallest puppy Buddy and told him I loved nose kisses because he gives them to me now and he also told him how much I needed his love. Buddy hangs around me a lot more than he used to. He used to only be around my daughter. It hurt my feelings. Up until Saturday I wasn't sure if I wanted Dusty to move on and I decided it wasnt fair for Dusty to stick around on this earth on account of me but he needed to go to heaven and enjoy his new life and not worry about us anymore. I haven't been able to get on the computer and blog I have been so upset. I have been cursing and hating my neighbors and had to get before God and ask for forgiveness. I went to church last Wednesday and the message was about Jesus' Sermon on The Mount. Praying for Your Neighbors ....I realized that those dogs are Millie's baby's and if something happened to them she would be crushed and so I am praying for their safety and that their hearts will change and that they won't hurt anyone. I pray for her that she will understand what she did hurt me, and I pray for my across the street neighbor that when she drinks and drives that she will get pulled over before she kills anyone. I pray for her that she will not make me mad or angry I don't care for her because she started trouble for me and my family and I don't trust her but I can't hold a grudge so I have to pray. Praying will keep me from hating. It keeps me from being mean and spiteful and calling names and wishing evil on people. I have God to lean on and he loves my family my sweet little family dearly.
My goodness it is a hard row to hoe. My son and I got into it. On Tuesday it was TERRIBLE ! I had been taking 2 pristiqs to keep my depression at bay and was being a witch with a b. ( Really trying not to curse here) .... new thing. And was on the phone with a girlfriend and he called me abusive. Yes I have been rough with him in the past but NEVER ABUSIVE .... and he has been throwing stuff up in my face lately. I lost it and started yelling and screaming all the stuff that I had gone through as a child (after I had hung up on her) . I was furious. I then went to the kitchen because I was so angry and got a coffee cup and threw it at the counter and tried to get it to break. It didn't to my dismay. I then went outside to smoke. I later got my cell phone and called her back outside. What I didn't know was he went into the attic and was listening. .... I was so ANGRY an MAD and furious that I just started spouting off stuff. I said to her, if I had any balls I would tell him that blank (name) is not his real dad because he is SO INCREDIBLY disrespectful to him and I am tired of it they argue all the blank time and I am tired of it . They fight like cats and dogs and I hate it and I am tired of being put in the middle all the blank time and they need to stop and maybe if he knew he would act like he loved him. My husband found out I was pregnant right after he met me and NEVER LEFT MY SIDE ...never. end of story. That night I was outside with my son and saw the attic lights on and said "How did the attic lights get on?, I have to get up there and turn them off..." and he said to me " Mom I kinda figured it out about a week ago, but I heard you talking to (name) today and it confirmed it." I fell apart. I said do you think I am a slut ? I know who it was his name what Charlie and we only did it twice. I told him if it was my first husband he was a terrible man and I don't want him to EVER meet him. He said he believes me and doesn't want to. Maybe one day he will change his mind but for now he is good. He is in a lot of turmoil on the inside maybe I don't know but he went to my husband and they cried together we three did and hugged and it made us all closer and he told him he would NEVER change dads in the whole world and he was sorry for being disrespecful to him. I have a sticker on my husbands car " anyone can be a father it takes a real man to be a dad " and that is the God's honest truth. I was always worried that if I went back to Texas that some jerk in my family would tell my son that my husband wasn't his bio dad and it would break his heart. He had already figured it out. His hair is blonde and my husbands is almost blacks. My husband had chocolate brown eyes my son has my eyes or rather mine, and my nose too, he is beautiful just gorgeous. So handsome and tall and strong he is going to be so good looking when he gets older a really ladies man lol. I just know it, not to mention he has a sweet soul. And the spiritual gifts that I do but don't tell him I told you that. lol He would get so angry.It is nice to have the cat out of the bag though because now no one can hurt us ! HA on them .
To get back to my visit with the psychic it went very well , I recieved the gift of the Holy Spirit which makes me able to speak in tongues but I am having a tongue tied time trying a few things have come out . I guess I am a little afraid not of God but just letting go. It might be sounding silly or something I don't really understand it is unusual to me and not normal so I am going to have to grow in my comfort and make it normal and second nature. I need to practice because when you are a healer speaking in tongues is VITAL to the healing process. (even in your head). I must practice. I don't meditate, so maybe that can be my meditation. The lady said in a former life I turned to the dark side and I used dark witchcraft to hex people and stuff and so my abilities in this life had been blocked so she asked my debt be repaid and for my abilities to be restored thankfully I have them back she said. The angels and God are very forgiving.
This is what she said I was a PSYCHIC HEALER AND MY MISSION WAS TO SPREAD LOVE
I want more than anything to help others.
I want to have a gentle and quiet spirit and to stop yelling and be sweet to my kids instead of raising my voice at them. My friend Billy the one that I had the falling out with a while back was telling me how my son acted out when he doesn't get his way. He has OCD really bad she just doesn't understand him. He likes to sit on the certain side of the car and doesn't like pillow cases on his pillows and has to use covers a certain way if it was up to him he wouldn't even have a sheet on his bed . He has to have a fan even in the dead of winter. It has to be cold for him. We spent the night with Billy and I was so emotionally exhausted I had to stay away from her all weekend. Her son showed my son a picture on the internet of a homeless man with maggots (a trigger will explain) on youtube. I was very upset. I talked to her about it He PUT ME ON SPEAKER PHONE when I was telling her WHY it upset me .... it upset me because when I lived with Leska. The demonic woman that she was she had purchased a VERY sick lamb full with maggots crawling in and out of its skin she made me and I mean made me feed it a bottle of milk while it was dying. It ended up dying behind the garage apartment she didn't even take it to the vet it just laid back there bellowing for its mother. Had I not specifically asked for that memory to be removed at my session with the psychic I think I would have been livid with Billy's son. He looks at the 'Good Lord knows what on the internet and I told him NO MORE with my son. NO MORE interet for him and my son. I don't want him pulling up porn or who knows what and showing it to him you never know these days. I am not saying that he does but my son has a VERY tender heart and did not think that was funny and a very tender stomach and he was ready to puke.
I don't think him and Daniel get along because they are on different levels. My son takes meds for ADD and it calms him. I think the other little boy needs meds for ADD and doesn't get them because he is so hyper. I don't think he is a bad kid or anything but he is VERY SAD and his grandma just died and the memory of her suffering is ever present in his mind and he is having trouble getting over it. He is angry and that is how depression shows up but his parents won't listen to me. I tried telling his mom that is how my son acted when he was depressed and messed up but she won't hear me and he saw his grandma waste away and it hurt him and his dad goes there to her house a lot and it bothers him and he says he sees and hears things and he is scared of the dark. He is a lonely kid and hates school bullied like a lot of kids. Kids are so mean nowadays ! They stink. I enrolled my son for the charter school 6 days too late like a dork maybe he will get in but if not I will be home schooling him next year with my daughter no problem. I don't care. I am doing it. I am going to if it kills me. I am doing that and taking the class for the psychic stuff on Tuesday nights from 7-9 it is 45 minutes there and back so I will be tired but it is once a week and for 4 months at $125 I can't wait it even teaches you how to protect yourself. That is what I need.
The psychic lady blocked my empath powers for now which is good they were too strong anyway and getting in the way of life and especially with the spirits I could tell what was going on with them so much that they were attached to me. She helped most of them move on she saw John the cowboy and the little girl and Dusty as a German Shepard. I still think that is strange but a powerful sign. My son is doing school right now as I write this just so you know. I just couldn't type for awhile.
When I went to a night with the angels it was so hard. Dusty gave me a message "it was not my fault, that he loved me and that he wanted me to move on and that he was with me." I cried like a baby. I also found out in a former life I had been a writer. I could not relay that message on here though .That night my son heard Dusty bark a protective bark in the front yard. I see a lot of the good charectaristics in the little Buddy his white spot on the top of his head and his sweetness and his cuddling and his kisses and his talking, he is a talker, he doesn't growl though. Bella she will bite in a heartbeat and growl you have to be careful I think that is why they got rid of her she is really a snappy person. Definately chihuahua breed. I see the chihuahua in ehr but she knows bette than to bite me because I will get her. She has bit me before if I kiss her on the face but I don't do that anymore. I know better. I know for sure she doesn't like it. I just put her butt in the cage. She does well in there. It is amazing she just goes right in.
Billy is blasting me out of the water right now, for not putting up with Daniel and his crap, he says and does things. I am so sorry for being rude and cursing and not doing the right thing God please forgive me. I have done wrong. She is bawling me out right now. I am on the phone with her now and listening to her about all the ugly things I have done wrong. I am so sorry for not understanding exactly what I am supposed to do. I told Daniel he was being mouthy on Wednesday (which he was ) he made his mom cry and now she tells me that my kids are all fragile and I am giving him low self-esteem for telling him not to do "this and that " around my kids. I have a bad feeling about Daniel. I was in the car with him on Friday, and he said some chic wanted to "do him" in front of my son or rather when my son was in the back seat. I told him I didn't need to hear that. He also proceeded to tell me that in Erwin his cousin smoked pot in an enclosed room. I don't trust the kid there is something about him that is off. I can't put my finger on it. I can't I can read people and he is off for sure. I don't care what anyone says he is the kind of person that would hurt you on purpose and say it was an accident. Billy will always make excuses for him she is a helicopter parent. I parent I know my kids I know they get on peoples nerves and they are sheltered I don't care. I have cursed in front of them yes. I am have stopped too. Billy threw it up in my face she was being SO ugly to me. It hurt so bad. Like she is so perfect. Her kid is not perfect at all. He is kiniving or however you spell it. I know it. He was talking about how to poison the dogs when I was mad at them or throwing a coke on Anne's car he is devious. I would NEVER DO ANYTHING to anyone in this neighborhood. She says I have an illness, I am sick and she is sick and we were never supposed to be friends and that people in the hospital are never supposed to be friends . This all started because I didn't want Daniel showing Topher stuff from youtube. I don't care I have to set boundaries. I don't want Daniel pulling up porn and showing it to my son who knows what that kid looks at. He watches scary movies. He looks at scary stuff on t.v. and I don't like it. He like excorsisms and stuff like that. That stuff is real not to joke about. He is just a weirdo. I have tried I am going to drop and distance myself from this relationship for sure it is not good. I told her that if I would have known if she was not going to take that puppy (she lied and said she was going to the vet) to the vet I would have NEVER taken her and Daniel to get him. He is an awful dog anyway. He is so mean. He bites and chews. I told her NEVER to bring him over here again. I don't want him spreading his germs. She leaves Rowdy her poodle outside to rot since she got that stupid puppy like it was nothing. Her husband William treats me like I am a child and talks down to me and when my husband was coming over to get medication from her house he left so he wouldn't have to meet him how rude is that ? I think they think we are better than them or something. I don't though. I told her I am just a regular person that is up to my eyeballs in debt. She doesn't believe me and she made me cry today. I hope she is happy. She said I brought her down she blamed me but I don't believe that I am NOT owning that. I won't her son is being rude and hateful and I didn't start it and I hardly see her I haven't even been around her .I spent one night with her. My kids spent the day with her.
I asked her if it would be o.k.and she said yes , if it wasn't ok then she should have said NO. Plain and simple. That is all. I don't like the way she talked to me at all but I took it. She said she wasn't going to take anymore comments about but on Saturday I didn't even make any when Daniel purposely slammed the door closed on my daughter and she freaked out I just hugged her and loved on her and said "he didn't know" and didn't get mad at him. I packed up my stuff and left, and was glad to do so. I wanted to help her clean up but she wouldn't have it even though she woke me up at 3 am. I wanted my husband to take me to the psychic because it was so far away and it was rainey and I didn't want to get lost even with my GPS.
I am tired of fighting with her. I am tired of having relationships. She said she knows why I don't have friends. I have a few but I just don't like it when my kids get beat up or picked on or exposed to trash on the internet. I can't help it if I have standards. Yes I have cursed but I don't pull up crap and show it to them and say look at me.... and think it is funny. It was gross what Daniel did and uncalled for and if his mother knew the other stuff that he said to me well number one she wouldn't believe it he would lie one me and she would be furious. She is going to "PROTECT HER SON" by doing so he will probably end up on drugs in jail and arrested. She is on my poop list right now so he better NOT call me today and try to make friendly. I also have to say this I am not interested in hearing all his problems I have a son of my own. I will refer him to his mother.
I am tired of people talking to me anyway they think they can just to make a point it hurt my feelings. She was really rude and didn't need to be that way I was being a good listener..
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