Parenting Sucks

Kids don't come with manuals.  They don't come with directions and no one surely never treated me like a person when I was a kid except for maybe one or two people that I can think of my birth mother and someone that acted like a human being to me and I think very highly of her.  She protected me from the evil step-mother.  They used to jokingly call me 'cinderella' and make me do their bidding.  I did EVERYTHING for them.  I dealt with it, if I dared complained I was beaten, or worse.  I carry the hurt within me.  I never thought the yelling was so bad though.  Until, until my daughter told me how scared she was of me, the other day I tried to get her to dance with me and she thought she was in trouble.  I can't believe it but my kids are scared of me.  They are just like I was scared of my wicked step-mother, maybe not as bad but they are scared. I feel terrible about it and the only thing I can do is change the yelling, and terrifying them with threats that I heard growing up.  I should have been so lucky but I can only break the cycle that I had up until I was grown.  Yes its true, until the age of 18 I heard threats, and I don't like to say it but " if you don't quit looking at me like that I'll knock those eyes out of your head" comments were made.  I am not going to say things like that anymore to my kids.  I should never have done that but I did.  I never laid a hand on them but the words hurt none the less and whoever said they didn't was a liar !!!!  I am ashamed and am and have not done any more threats to them just talked them through things.  I hate my life right now because I have hurt my kids and I feel the guilt and shame of it.  I so wish I could take their pain away.  I talked it over with my son's therapist and she was very supportive.  I am thankful for that.