He is so very sad too. I sang him a song this morning the Plain White T's song Rhythm of Love song. He loved it. I love him so very much I thought it would cheer him but by the end of it we were both crying like a bunch of saps. I guess because it say "long after I'm gone You'll still be humming along... and we only have tonight turn the music low and dance to the rythym of love." It is a precious song. I said it was for him and his mom in rememberance of her. I intended to bring joy but brought tears I dunno it wasn't my intention I love him and I can sing that isn't a hard song for me to stay in tune with either.
I thought today, God brought Me closer to Him throught the ordeal of the lump you know it. I never thought of that! I also realized maybe my son has the gift of prayer and healing that God will use one day. I dunno but maybe we shall see. It is amazing to me still even though I have faith that it just went away all of a sudden . I don't care what others say IT WAS GOD ! There is not any other explanation for me.
I have a friend that is an atheist, a hard driven one and he says that when we can't think for ourselves or explain anything we say it is God. I say it is our faith that speaks for us. I have been raped and come through it, I have been beaten, and survived. I have been abused severely as a child and have two beautiful children that don't get done that way because God SHOWED me how to be a mom. NO I have failings and I have shared them but I am a work in progress. They are realizing that I am not scary mean mom anymore and the meds are helping me be calm too. I am thankful for any help I get from whatever resource too and I think God uses Doctors to help us I am not religious I am spiritual. There is a difference. I know the Lord uses the trauma I have been thru to speak to others I pray for strangers I don't even know . I know the Holy Spirit speaks through those prayers because when I am praying I know things that I should not know and THAT IS GOD SPEAKING not little peon me. The people will be 'how did you know that ' and I am like " that was God not me" for sure it is God. It is the truth.
I have found that I have the gift of healing and need to study about it. I am not sure how it plays into my life but it has become a natural one that has cropped up recently. I have also decided after this scare somehow I MUST stop smoking. END OF STORY ... I don't know how I am going to do it but I must ask for God to help me and for grace from my family. I need help. All the help I can get. I just bought a carton of cigarretts too. I need to stop before the end of the year we really can't afford them at the beginning of the year anymore we will have too many medical bills. I will be home schooling and won't have time to break for cigaretts either will have too much stuff to take care of. I will have a lot to do.
I was supposed to take my son to the therapist today it was a sporadic cancelation they called me and I said I would take the appointment but he is ill in bed with a stomach ache and his throat hurting. I think he caught the cold from that kid that came over that acted so naughty he wasn't over his illness and must have spread his germs to my son OH well. I just hope he gets over it by tomorrow there is a party with is occupational therapy group at Monkey Joes and he REALLY wants to go ! That would suck. I am going to do some healing work with him when he wakes up. Plus he doesn't want to miss the youth church group festivities ... we have to get him a sweater that lights up or something for a party something that looks ridiculous from Goodwill that is too big something frumpy and ugly a Granny sweater. LOL. I can't wait he is going to have a ball.
The cleaning ladies are coming today, my house is a mess as ususal, I hate that! I have to clean before they come to make it presentable. It is a shame but I am so busy I was at the doctors yesterday and then so emotionally exhausted I just didn't have the energy to do anything but sit. I didn't even get a lot of school done. My son did the things he could get done by himself and we read in our read aloud "Old Yellar" which is getting really good ! I love that book I have never had the chance to read it but for those of you with children it is an excellent book for 9-11 year olds ! It is very moving and a Newberry Award Winner so it is phenomenal . I love the scenery descriptions and the placement of the charecters and how it is set up in the old west. It is cool ! I just love home schooling it rocks ! I get to spend time with my son and teach him and spend quality time with him and he loves it. I won't always get to do that so I treasure it now. Pretty soon he will be out with friends (hopefully good ones) and doing his own thing and I won't see him so much.
Did I mention I had a dream about my son? I dreamt he was a young man going into the Air Force and he was wearing the uniform with the hair cut and so very happy. He had his duffle bag and was getting patted on the back by his friends and going to his bunk. It was awesome he looked overjoyed. I was so very proud but it was like I was seeing this from somewhere else. I dunno if I was there or not but he was a happy man and beside himself and that is all that matters I saw his future . He is going to be fine. He is going to grow up and be a man and do something with his life something structured and strong. I am so thankful God gave me that dream because before I was stressed about what was going to happen to him. You know like what would happen in his life because he just can't seem to take stuff... and I had this dream. I felt peace. I woke up at two in the morning and had peace about the future of my son. It was a blessing. If he can only stay safe !
I think of all the units in the Armed Forces though the Air Force is the least of the worries. So that is good !
Anyway I have spoke my peace for now and thank you for reading ... bought another book by Sonia Choquette called something about Psychics I can't wait to read it.. I have another one of hers about Finding your destiny...I already read the one about "Talking to Your Guides" that was a good one I recommend it to anyone interested in speaking to your angels and finding a new way to comunicate in a spiritual way !
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