I wouldn't feel that way I don't think if I wouldn't keep running into psycho weirdo's but when people see me for who I really am they judge me and I can't be honest what I about ... so it sucks. To have these have these gifts is hard and to not be able to share it with others sucks too. When I tried to lay hands on Billie she didn't believe in miracles even though she had extreme pain in her shoulder, and told me that miracles only happened when Jesus lived. That is a lie, Jesus equips each of us with the ability to heal others in different ways some with healing words, others with healing touch, some with other ways- you just have to find it within yourself. That book speaking to your Guides was amazing even yesterday when I went shopping I asked My bargain angels to be about me and help me to find good deals and my son found t-shirts that he liked at his favorite store for $3 and I found a lot of things for my daughter for a great bargain. I was so pleased . I also got some metal baseball bats incase a coyote decides to come on our property when we are walking the dogs. I don't want to get attacked ! I am not going down without a fight. End of story.
I feel nervous and am tired of it I don't know why I took one less saphris last night and don't feel grumpy but feel nervous so I took one of my daughters Vyvanse it is 20 less mg strong than mine I am hoping this helps I don't know. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to have to pay for my medication either when I am not giving it to her. I don't like how sad she gets on it, how depressed she is and so I don't give it to her anymore. I know she gets in trouble but I just tell her to try to do better. I am doing school outside today with me and my son to get some fresh air and maybe taking a nerve pill to calm myself. I will NOT drink coffee which will make it worse and say my prayers. That I know will help. I need to see the psychic again. My son picks up on every little mood I have he is an empath too and it hurts him and if I am aggravated he gets that way too. I need to have her do some work on him too -he is getting baptised on Sunday but I know he understands that NO ONE at church can know that we have these gifts . He feels weird about them like they are ungodly I think. I know they are not but I don't know what he thinks he has the gift of healing he can pray and make things better too. I amazed at all he is capable of. I wish he would see the good he can do and not that it is a negative - it hurts me but that comes in time I just let him talk to me about it when he wants to now. I try to be available when he needs me. That is what my therapist I just get so darn excited like I wish someone would have when I was a kid you know ? No one got me when I was a child they just treated me like I was a freak either for being too skinny or too hyper or whatever.... it was rough. I just hated school and kids never got me. I just never had a lot of friends they knew me because I was in drama and was not bashful about performing in the classrooms in front of them and they were like HI "____" but they didn't know my struggles ... how I really was depressed and wished I would die and hated my home life.
Deena constantly telling me I wasn't part of the family and how I didn't have to be there if I screwed up. I just felt so alienated. It was difficult the only thing that kept me grounded was Steve's kind words and her children he believed in me and always told me I could do it .. and the kids they loved me as if I belonged. And Grandma Nadine she loves me like I am her own I love her very much. I will always love her. I know if something happens that I might not be able to come but I would want to. I might not be welcome but I would want to. I would cry like a baby I love her so much -she was good to me. Always even when she was ugly when my mom died. I have forgiven her of that. It was dumb and she said it out of anger towards someone that drove her crazy. Anyway I am going to go now and will write more later my knee hurts when I sit at the computer. Got to make breakfast for my son. thanks for reading !
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