New year and new deductible.... was going to make Hungarian Chicken and dumplings and the whole thing of chicken thighs FROZEN came out from 3 feet high in the refrigerator freezer and flew out onto my left foot.... ugh ! I was a cursing mother of two . I could not believe it ! You know this is the most ridiculous thing to have to happen on a Thursday . I keep breaking toes and at this rate I will have to have surgery on my foot again LMAO !!!! It is funny now but at the time I could hardly catch my breath or not cry, because of the pain.
I have had a good year thus far, going in for a mammogram soon. Those are fun let me tell you !
There is nothing better than having your breast smashed in plastic, well maybe a Big Mac but that is about it. I have a lump in my left breast too, Is there a conspiracy with the left side of my body ? I wonder now that I think about it.
My son has been acting better now that he is not taking all that medication. He was on too much, and I think it was messing with his mind. He only takes trazadone to sleep and it makes a huge difference . I guess the Vyvanse and other meds were too much for his little body. Well not little he is 5'6 and 160lbs. He is actually quite large for a 13 year old. He has the body of a small man and a great mind. I am glad he is doing better !!!! I am thankful to God for sure. He must not suffer from depression anymore because of my doing so well. TYJ !!!
I went to the hospital over Thanksgiving and was taken off a TON of medication. I am no longer feeling sick and really don't even feel as though I need medicine to control what I thought I once had. I know I have PTSD but the whole bi-polar thing is somewhat of a maybe to me now.
The medication I am on is only 1000 mg of Depakote and 20 of prozac, which is not the norm for someone with bi-polar II .... I am wondering if I was misdiagnosed because of the SI attempts in my past ? I could not say, I was severely depressed because of the pastor at church telling me I "broke every commandment". I have to say religion and medication and mental illness does not mix for sure and I know this is not the first time that has been said. HA !
I am not sure about my marriage, it is going up and down but we are making it. I love him but I don't think he is in love with me. Actually I really think he stays with me because he feels sorry for me and doesn't want anything to happen to me. I dunno, He is a good man, like today when I hurt my foot I was very cross and he doesn't get mad at me. The passion is gone though I wish we still had that. People ask me how can you live without it? I just do... I can't explain it you just keep on going. I don't think a marriage is just about the sex. I think and know it is about commitment and you can have a world of sex without love. Comittment is important because when you sign up for a marriage you put your life on hold somewhat. You delve into becoming a unit. If you don't then it fails, I know this because I have had one fail before. I know that when it does work you have ups and downs. Like I have now, my son and husband can't seem to get along and I am always trying to keep the peace. It sucks but I pray one day they will see that they need each other and will STOP being assholes to each other.
I know this may not make sense to many of you reading this because I am all over the place tonight or this morning, but I took some medication for my foot pain and it is quite strong and making me goofy. I really should NOT have taken it because of my issue with drug addiction in the past but my foot was Hurting so badly that I could not even lay on my mattress without it hurting. I was at a loss and about 12:45 I took the other pill a couple of hours earlier than I should have, the pain has since subsided and I am grateful. Now I just can't think straight.
I was outside communing with the stars. I know some of them are ships in the sky. I will ask them to go out if they understand me. They do too. It is really cool, if they go out it is a yes and if they don't it is a no. I have asked them if they can hear my music or hear me and they will go out. I flash my lighter at them and they will mimic the number of times that I have flashed it. I think this is also amazing. I consider it a little experiment. No ghosts lately around the house but I feel a draft in this room so I am going to scaddadle.
I am also very sleepy and thirsty. goodnight all hope you enjoyed this and try the experiment of flashing a light at the stars and see what happens. They (some of them are ships) .... do it prayerfully though.
talk to you guys later !
T
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