I HATE THIS

Attempting to get motivated is IMPOSSIBLE. I can't I don't want to do anything around the house I don't want to go anywhere EVERYONE is grumpy and I am mad because everything I do is for nothing. I hate housewife life and want a job that I could get paid for or to go back to college this life as a mother fucking sucks. I love my family but they are thankless human beings that gripe and fight and I want out.

I had Basia playing loud on the radio and it caused my husband to shout I can't EVEN hear myself TALK... so he turned it to where I can't even hardly hear it. Music motivates me. I am sick of living in a mess and frustrated with the fact that the people I want to serve the most I can't. I go anywhere in the house and it is messy I haven't lived like this since I was a kid. I HATE it.

I want to move out and be ALONE. It is not because I am not on medicine that I feel this way I just hate this bull shit and can't stand my life and feel stuck. Being a mother is the most THANKLESS job you can ever have. I know my attitude sucks right now but if you saw the lack of enthusiasm in my family when I ask them to do anything or the fact that they just do not listen well you would understand. The dog pooped on my bathroom floor, someone (one of my kids I am sure) covered it up with the bath mat and it is stuck into the tile now. I have to scrub the floor by hand now. I do not know where to start and am sick of all the fighting with them and my husband. Everyone is lazy including me and I can't do it alone. I have a 2800 sq foot home and can't clean it alone. My friend offers her services and I feel as though I am using her and even though I pay her it never feels like it is enough.

I am so sick of this shit.

I am leaving to go smoke then I will figure something out. I need to go back to college and educate myself with a trade that is the smartest thing I could do.