I want to be a part of something....anything

I can't get over it. I called like a dumbass my family in Texas again after talking to my sister and was on the phone with my I don't know what you want to call it "foster mom" who is about ten years older than me. She was very abrubt with me and made it clear she did not want to talk to me or spend time on the phone with me chatting about anything. She was like " you sound down and I hope you have a better day" I miss them for crying out loud ! I can't help it I wish I could see them, is that a crime ? I don't get it, it is like they don't give a flying fuck about me and you know what I need to just give up. I must just give up. I must resign myself to understand that they will never want me to be a part of their lives. I have to- I think that my "foster mom's comments were uncalled for and cold blooded and quite mean. I only want to be a part of something and spend a little time with them a little moment of their time feeling a part of something bigger than myself. I can't be there. I can't afford to go there with my family and so I get punished by being isolated out of not being talked to on the phone that is inconsiderate. It is mean. I don't get it. I don't ever want to talk to them again. I am so hurt and feel like what she said was so inconsiderate I would not go to her house even if she paid me. She could have taken 10 minutes and talked to me. She doesn't want a relationship with me, she doesn't have the balls to tell me. It hurts like hell. I don't care how hard I try to make things happen she is not interested in being a part of my life and my kids life. It has always been so. I must just suck it up. I must just like my good friend Kenneth has said ! Give it up don't bother and leave them alone they are worthless pieces of shit all except my sister she cares about me ... she talked to me today. She was willing to take some time to spend with me. She loves me she included me on Facebook as her sister. She loves me as her own she remembers that I help raise her that I watched her when she was little and took her to the library and spent time with her. I am done with them. I can not fit in with the Powell family and nor do I want to they all can go fuck off. I have to understand that that is the way they want it and that is fine . end of story. I am stupid for even trying. Deena is a bitch.