Well My husband made a fucking LIST

Well my husband made a type of list you see to explain his turn ons and turn offs and I don't like it one damn bit. He also told me my style of sexuality made him feel "dirty". I thought from his porn activity that my style of sexuality was tame in comparison. He said he wants me to be "classy". I am at my fucking wits end with him. He listed things like "talking about chores and money stress him out" and that "whip cream and strawberries are a turn on " and crap like that. I don't know anymore what to do.

I am tired of this bullshit. I am ready to leave and be alone just alone with my God and not anyone else. I am sick of this because I haven't had sex with anyone but MYSELF and it is getting old. I have men hit on me when I look like total shit. I was in the store the other day and this really nice looking black man asked me for my number. I had an AFRO under my bandana and capris on with a dirty t-shirt and NO bra. I totally smelled too. I have been so depressed I have been suicidal and now my husband springs this shit on me? I don't need it. He REALLY hurt  my feelings and I have no use for him. I just want to fucking leave and I have no god damn place to go. I don't have my disablity they won't give it to me I am college educated and he makes too much money, and well quite frankly I have a lot of honors and academia behind my name so they just think I am too smart ? I don't get it though I have been committed so many times they should NAME a hospital after me and Friday I cussed out my husband's doctor three different times because they were giving me shit about calling in some medication for him which could have caused him to have a stroke. Dumbasses. I am so pissed at the world right now I could have smacked my neighbor today who was sitting outside watching me and the kids I am ON EDGE and don't like it. Not to mention something creepy is going on in my house. Faucets turning on things falling off shelves bangs on walls knocking voices you fucking name it. I have blessed the house but can I get a priest to come over Hell no. NO ONE cares. I heard a large bang and called a friend to come over she told me " you are fine, nothing is there" My husbands computer was on the floor and his screen was toppled over NO EXPLANATION. ugh. some friend. I do everything for people and get nothing in return. I am done with it. I would rather help the homeless than someone who calls themself a friend to me . I had given someone 100 dollars for an eviction notice and when they got their paycheck ...they ate at Ryan's ? I went and bought them groceries with my money and had to buy myself groceries with it too. I only had $140 ? They didn't look at the COST of anything . I was looking and saying this is the same thing and it is cheaper. Can you get it ? Even if it was only a few cents ...IT WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE and when she took me to Subway I got a kids meal not the most expensive thing on the menu. Excuse me for being practical. I don't use people. I think Amy is mad because I didn't PAY her for keeping my kids the night me and Phil went to eat out and spent the night alone but you know what happened ? They didn't tell me that Topher didn't have his meds and also let him stay up with her husband DRINKING beer in front of him God knows how much (he is an alchoholic) until 4am... and she is mad at me. duh that is so fucking stupid. I give up on having friends . I give up. I would rather GO TO GOD than to go to a friend I can't even really depend on my husband he said I make him sick. so fuck him too. I am tired of this shit . I need to go to the hospital because I am so fucking depressed.  I have so much shit to do and can't get it done and my son's school is suffering and he can't handle school and he just got put on ADD meds and he is doing better. I am about to call my insurance. I need help. I wish I had two cars. I don't though. I hate my husband for saying what he said to me. I feel dirty enough most of the time I don't need someone saying that to me. Now I really want to die.