Now what ?

So, no I am not writing about world politics no but about things in my life yes.  To me it matters and I guess that is important and I guess that should make me selfish. I was reading Cabagges and Kings and it was about "How People Were Celebrating Bin Laden's Death" some of it was really out there. I don't agree with all of it. I guess my only point about that was some crazier nut was going to take his place. I don't care if he is gone. I am glad the Seals took him out ! They did America a favor. Call me patriotic if you like or nutso I don't care. I don't like what happened on 9/11 and I am not a democrat and I don't think that Obama should get the credit for it either ! I am neither a Republican or a Democrat but closer to a Republican and voted for Bush twice and I think I voted for Bush SR too ! I loved all the Bushs'  and I don't care who thinks this Bi-Polar is a nutt. It might be true in some cases.  I acted like one when I was telling my friend to leave, my afro got bigger standing on end when Christi got between us trying to "stop our argument" ugh. What a ridiculous scenario it all was.

If I could go back and redo the situation, I would have asked to spend the money on the kids and done it at a more appropriate time.  I would have gone and just taken out $100 out of the ATM for Susan and let her leave in peace with her stuff as bitchy as she was maybe even early because she was grumpy  and being a control freak and I don't like that.  I can't stand that in my life. I have totally changed.  I am a free sprit now and don't like people breathing down my neck. I can't handle it I never could I used to cry and get upset NOW I GET MAD. I GET FURIOUS AND LASH OUT !  Her comment about "how can you live like this, I can't ! " really got to me.  I know I am not the neatest person but come on you don't come into someone's house and say something like this off the wall. My kitchen was CLEAN just cluttered ! I didn't have dog hair all over the floor and although I didn't vacuum while she was there I had vacuumed right before she came and it was picked up. My room was the mess that was the mess and she didn't have to go in there except when she went to the bathroom. The bathrooms were spotless I made sure of it. I had them immaculate. I won't take a shower in a bathroom or use the toilet unless they are clean and spotless. I just won't and they get cleaned ususally every week.

My house wasn't gross and I got a Kirby for my anniversarry yesterday which is Sunday and it will be 13 years on Juneteenth. For those of you whom don't know what Juneteenth is it is when Black people celebrate their independence and freedom. It was SO COOL when my husband and I got married we saw all these beautiful brides getting their wedding licenses at city hall in Vegas in beautiful gowns and some were amazing. I remember one young couple the bride imparticular the back of her dress was divine. Anyway, yes we got married in Vegas and NOT by Elvis ! It was a nice ceremony at the Mirage and I picked out the music I walked to Sade's song Angel ? I don't know the name. My last set of foster parents (*mother) asked why do you want to marry her ?  what a stinker and that was after I had him take her soup for a cold when she was pregnant. I can't stand her sometimes. Boy have we had our battles.

It is funny, I wanted to see if they would keep my son for a couple of weeks and they can't because thier son has really bad seizures which I understand. I wanted them to keep my son because I didn't trust him to go to camp, he isn't very mature and wouldn't handle it well- he has sensory processing disorder quite bad.  They told me the same people who made me afraid to leave my house, and trust anyone to go anywhere and made me stay home and babysit all the time and would not let me hang out with my friends the ones now that have cameras in their house so they can watch whoever watches thier son, that they would do things differently. I don't believe that for one second.

So things were a disaster with Susan and I blurted out some pretty hateful things: I know why your marriage failed , you're a control freak. You're a bitch for making my kids cry. Get the fuck out of my house. Pack faster. I can't remember the rest. I went psycho. Topher was cryinig because she was leaving,  she got so angry I was holding myself back in a lunge trying not to jump on her. I have a terrible temper, mind you I wasn't as angry as I was when I was dealing with Anne but she had hurt my kids and her daughter was constantly complaining about my son and daughter. My little girl had burnt her finger on the halogen bulb above the computer in the living room and Sue started yelling at her and Christi was fussing like she was retarded and it was always like my kids were stupid and hers were the best and my son was not smart. I don't care what she thinks anymore I give up. Susan was not a good friend I tried. I would not go into someone's house and treat them this way. I have stayed with relatives that did not have a house as nice as mine and did not disrespect them like that. My grandma can't do everything she is busy and if she can't do it all I help her I don't gripe and make her feel like crap, I come along side her or do it in a NICE way you know ? NOT BITCHY- I don't need pity I need a person that loves me for who I am not that tries to change me but makes me a better person in a good way. Not by belittling me and hurtfulness that is what I got as a child I am an adult now and I do not have to tolerate that crap as an adult.  So see ya Susanna no longer friends and I don't need friends like that anyway.

Oh get this, now I got a text from her wanting her $100 mailed to her. I told her I tried giving it to you but you wouldn't take it. I am wiring it to her today or never. If I don't get the information by 12 pm I am not doing it. I am not waiting all day to do her bidding. It is for "Christi's groceries" she should have taken it when she was here.  My marriage is none of her business, if I make mistakes or not my kids needed clothes and I needed to get them. Ugh what I did was wrong. I should have asked. I know ! He and I agreed to ask and I didn't ask. I am sorry. I am going outside now been up since 2am when hubbies work alarm went off. Cleaned a LOT of the bedroom last night vacuum works GREAT !